Anxiety I'm sad.

Why do I get anxious out of nowhere? it's so weird, while I am trying to go through lifestyle chances I know that's not what's making me feel so unsettled

>>1171 I hope you win a Grammy soon

>>1173 is it general unease and dread you feel or are you having full blown anxiety attacks?

>>1173 It's the generalized anxiety disorder.

>order from webshop I've been using for years with no problems >local delivery service sends my package back for no reason >said I should contact the webshop instead >webshop doesn't know why they did it either and I should wait until they receive the package >it's been over 2 months and I forgot about it >paypal prolly won't give a refund at this point Why do I have to go through this

>>1178 How much did you spend

>>1179 About 60€ Not the end of the world but it still sucks

>>1180 Email them saying you're gonna sue

I can't sue either party realistically but I'll see what I can do, thanks nona

>>1178 are you able to dispute the charge on your card where you're from? i'd try with the webshop one last time to see if there's any mention of it and if there's no resolution i'd dispute the charge

>>1183 I paid with paypal so no can do. I'll contact both paypal and the webshop first thing in the morning. I already contacted the delivery service multiple times to no avail

>>1176 Just general unease/dread. I've never had a panic attack but my mom has, decades ago. Maybe it's an hereditary thing kek.

>>1187 I've only had one panic attack before, but if you ever have one you'll definitely know. Have you been feeling this recently?

>>1208 I've been feeling like this since I was 13. It's just how I am I guess.

I recently ended a 4 year relationship with a guy that was very closed off and nonemphatic. I'm on that stage of thinking back and realizing how little he actually cared about me, or at least how little he tried to voice his feelings or be there for me. I would always keep him in mind, gift him sweets I made and always think of ways to make him happy. When we fought he would completely shut down and refuse to discuss things and would just state "he was born that way". Basically he was the true definition of a low (zero) emotional intelligence man. I think that's why I've been feeling so attached to my bias. Kpop idols have a softer more sensitive image most of the time, and outside of it being their true persona or not I just really like seeing men that are open about their feelings, hug each other, love each other and voice it. And obviously the added bonus that I find them very attractive. I know it may be a bit of a warped perspective but I'm just so tired of men in my country being all masculine, closed off, low effort and selfish. I've definitely learned my lesson and I won't pursue another men like that, but in the meantime I just proyect my fantasy onto this idol and it's hard not to.

>>1223 it's completely normal to feel this way anon, i hope your future relationships will be much better.

>>1223 Men like that are the worst. Glad you’re not with him anymore

>>1226 >>1236 Thanks nonas, he was not abusive or anything like that, I do think in a way he loved me but he could never voice it and he was always too uncomfortable with any type of confrontation or deep thinking. He would just shut down and would prefer to avoid issues at all cost. I never even met any of his friends in the 4 years we were together (they lived on his hometown, so he saw them very little), and he was always awkward when I wanted to gift something to his mother or sisters. He had little passion for anything. His sister passed away and I barely saw him cry, he mostly kept to himself and I didn't even know the status of her sickness because her mother was taking care of her and he didn't even ask. When she died it was like nothing ever happened a month later (not because he wasn't sad, he just didn't show it). I don't think he was a bad man, he just didn't have any of the tools a normal person has to express or deal with stuff. It was really weird and I just feel like I gave and gave and gave the whole relationship and got so little back. I just want a cuddly boyfriend that will tell me he loves me, be proud to show me off and thank me for all the little gifts and stuff I do for him. But right now I'm just so cynical and tired. Sorry for the long rant.

>>1240 it's all good, it's exactly what the thread's for

I feel so anxious all the time, it sucks the joy out of everything. Nighttime is especially unbearable because there's nothing I can distract my mind with. Nonas let me give you some solid advice, whatever you do, whoever you're with, just don't send nudes to people, doesn't matter if he's the love of your life, just don't. It's so retarded. Wish someone really sat me down and told me this when I was a little kid, I was so stupid and attention starved and lonely, you can imagine what I got up to with crusty old men. I stopped when I turned 18 realized what a sped I am, but even though I've stopped, those files can't have been deleted from each one of the men's harddrives, so I just live with dread and anxiety and someone I know will come across them and I'll just have to kms. Apologies for being so gloomy, having an especially bad day today!

>>1267 Hey Scammyfag, don't worry. You were groomed by men who knew exactly what they were doing. It wasn't your fault and assuming someone finds your lewds you should be more worried with how they even found it in the first place. So don't let those moids get you down, Anon. We're gonna make it.

>>1267 they all can go to hell, i have no idea who they are but i'm sure all of these men have miserable, horrid existences as they should. you're fine and you will continue to make the best out of your life. you have a good future ahead. take care of yourself nona.

>>1267 hey anon, i'll level with you because i did almost the exact same thing when i was a stupid teen. i've been very fortunate where 1) never been identified 2) never seen them come up again and hopefully your circumstances are similar. We're talking about almost a decade here since then, but things will more than likely be fine and the world is small, but not that small. and if it does get out, what's the worst that can happen? yeah, the embarrassment will suck and you'll feel like your friends won't look at you the same for a while, but you move past that. stay strong. you're a different person now

>>1272 >>1273 >>1274 you're very sweet nonas, i'd been feeling extra anxious today, thankfully the feeling's subsided and i'm calmer now. i hope if nothing has happened in the past few years since i've turned 18, nothing will happen in the future. and i like to believe i've definitely matured a whole lot since and gotten better in a lot of ways. i just have to stop worrying about things i cannot possibly control. hwaiting to all ccc posters

I hate Christmas but I love being with my family and eating good food. Without them it'd be another meaningless holiday

holiday or no holiday i just miss traveling. every year i take a trip to visit family and friends and obviously this year didn't pan out. i was really looking forward to it, too

Me and my family actually stayed in a beach resort for a couple of days and we got the corona there. We got lucky because other than flu symptoms nothing happened.

>>1296 I'm glad your symptoms aren't bad but >Me and my family actually stayed in a beach resort for a couple of days What were all of you thinking lmao

>>1296 especially if you're american and you went to an american beach resort, really bad move. heard of a ton of folks getting rona from them

>>1297 We'd been cooped up since March, only leaving the house to get supplies. Everyone was getting stressed as fuck, so we decided to take the shot and go. It was retarded as fuck but with 20/20 hindsight I can say it was worth it. >>1298 Not american. And the funny thing is, this resort was almost fully booked. They have these bungalows by the beach and we tried to get one of those but they're out until October of next year. Nobody seems to really care about covid, not even using masks outside of the pool even though it was regulation. We won this bottle of alcohol gel to use but very few people were visibly using it (though this just might mean they had their own disinfectants and avoided touching things).

i am ventinggggggggggg

ok starting now

i dont like eating but i hate starving and i dont like wasting food

when we had a forensic class and saw a corpse in the faculty it was bad for my mental health because i got very jealous

i am such a failure i am planning to kms

do any of you nonas have a pet? i have a birdie its so cutee

do you nonas like your proffessors

*professors

>>7944 noooo, nona fighting you can do it! we all still young

i literally have no place on the internet its so sadd thoughts and prayers commissions are open,one prayer at a time

do kpop stans that arent suicidal exist

>>7979 i was suicidal years ago but im in the clear now these days. I made a lot of lifestyle changes

>>7979 i've never been suicidal tbh

>>9391 good for u

>>9493 lmfaoo

>>8159 give some tips for the sisters

>>10113 a lot of my own problems were linked to digestion issues bc i never took care of what i ate and i felt like shit and was always inflamed (had mild arthritis in my late teens). i went on the AIP diet for a long time and started walking outside every day for 40 min. i also tried a lot of diff supplements but idk if they ever did much except for the vitamin d and magnesium. 5-HTP (which helps some ppl with depression) just made me feel really light headed. magnesium was really helpful for me in improving sleep.

>>10340 >started walking outside rip 2020posters reading this during the rona days

fucking ugly cat

>>10432 topkekk

>youtuber: lists calories in her meals >comments: waah waaah you're literally promoting calorie counting i'm soooo disappointed aaaah can all ana commenters just stop eating and die already

>>11270 but anachans always count calories???

fingers hurting from peeling way too many pistachios

threw away all the cutesy letters and stuff my exbf sent me back in the day it's been almost 3 years since we broke up but when I saw everything I wanted to cry funny because I've recently put the gifts he gave me (an action figure from a game I love, artwork books) back on my shelf wondering if I shouldn't get rid of those too

>>12583 i hope it was a cordial breakup at least. i kept a lot of the stuff my ex gave me but we also ended on good terms

>>12600 still talk to him nowadays, we're friends. what really hurt was that he really was a romantic guy who took care when sending me stuff (cute drawings with references to stuff we like) and I feel like I lost my chance wouldn't take him back though, I don't love him, but it gives me real anxiety to think about love and relationships, so glad I have cute boys singing and dancing to cope KEKKKKK

work is kicking my ass and we just don't have enough people for the workload we're experiencing, communication has tanked since COVID because of all the layoffs so no one knows what the fuck is going on half the time until after it's a problem. like my job otherwise just bleh

my dad caught covid months ago, and he got better but the virus really fucked up his health. he's not the same as he was before the virus, he's more lethargic and can barely work, which puts pressure on me to get a job asap. he started talking about arranging his will lately because he feels he won't last another 10 years. really heartbroken that i might be witnessing my dad's decline and that he is going to be gone one day. we had a strain relationship, which makes me feel guilty that i will say something and next day i wont be able to apologize. that my last words will be regretful.

>>12638 sorry to hear that anon, hope your dad can at least find ways to relieve some of the health damage and physical inflammation.

thinking of the U.S. as some sort of a savior and wanting to live the american dream have been lifelong wishes of my mother, to the point where she has been projecting herself into me as the eldest child. at times, I blame my escapist tendencies that have only fueled my addiction/obsession to kpop/anime in the fact I was exposed to the idea of fleeing away from my home country from early on. I don't have the guts to confront her about this, is it maybe because I am bullshitting myself in blaming others for my current state?

>>13500 at one point you gotta take control of your own life nona. do you actually want to leave to the us? do you have any long term plans at all? any dreams not related to migration?

>>13500 one man's trash is another man's treasure. i wish my famiky had that emigration spirit I'm tired of living here kek but I probably couldn't live far away from my family either

I think I lost my youth to depression and now I'll live with regrets. I know it's not actually my fault being depressed and shit but looking back, in the beginning of my depreshun, I had 0 good reasons for it. It's wild. Youth is wasted on the young tbh.

>>13500 >U.S. as some sort of a savior and wanting to live the american dream I'm sorry but does your mother not read the news? lol

>>14163 you think? how old are you?

>>14163 i know how you feel, but we can't go back to the past. try not to dwell on it, just be glad you realized it now and vow to live a better life starting now.

I keep misreading numbers and dates, I am afraid I am actually autistic or retarded

>>16692 get your vision checked or get checked for dyslexia

>>17040 i got 20/20 vision so that means im rarted, great

>>1240 >when I wanted to gift something to his mother or sisters what sort of things did you used to gift them? sorry this is random but that sounds really cute

Just watched the first episode of Black Mirror, it's so fucking bad I'm angry now

>>21212 that's why I skipped it, i would say is a hit or miss show tbh.

>>21212 I thought the pig fuckin one was a funny one, but maybe that's because I watched it with a friend

>>21212 the san junipero one had me rolling on my bed and screaming over realizing how sort life is for weeks

>>21212 the rest of the series isnt really like that

>>21212 only watched white christmas and i think it's the only one worth watching tbh

i fucking hate this cat so fucking much fucking ugly cat huh!! becoming a certified cat hater ughhh z4ogı5dvgnjrtklk aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

>>21325 kek

same anon from >>1178 nobody cares but i got my money back, yay me

bumping this since some sisters obviously need it

>>30798 grats, did you get it from the company you purchased from?

i wish i died in my sleep

Take me out tonight Take me anywhere, I don't care I don't care, I don't care And in the darkened underpass I thought, "Oh God, my chance has come at last" But then a strange fear gripped me And I just couldn't ask

>>31240 tks nona appreciate it

>>31564 no problem nonnie

>>31052 thanks, i had to open a dispute and escalate it

just realized that this sense of dread and feeling ill I feel sometimes are just anxiety attacks damn I wish I wasn't mentally ill

>>39815 shit sucks ass sorry girlie :(

man i feel so dumb writing this but i was having crappy day so i posted a stupid meme about nct taking off their boxer shorts and then i got shat on by discord mods now im sad <3 i dont usually get upset about stuff like this but i dont know why this upset me hahahah

>>41870 >being on discord that aside, dont feel so bad nona, i hope u didnt get completely dogpilled for that, for a barely raunchy joke

>>41871 yeah i mainly joined for news updates and i pop in during livestreams but yeah... i didnt expect so many aggressive reactions like ppl dont make similar memes all the time... im kinda over it but the last thing i needed was unneeded aggression when i was already feeling shitty haha but im good now

>>41873 that really sucks anon. was this in the main nct discord, by any chance?

>>39907 it does but it's ok, knowing is better anyway

gonna put this thread into good use before I write another fucking paper. I've been thinking about dropping college everyday ever since I transferred to my university. I sucked it up after the first year cause I thought it was from the specific classes I was taking at that time and bad luck, but in reality I'm really losing hope that it's going to get better. That first year was a sign that something is wrong and I've been miserable. I desperately need a break to improve myself since I've lost motivation in doing anything and continuously been between freaking out about how I'm not gonna go anywhere, to not even caring of what happens to me and even hoping failure comes my way. But I'm afraid that if I do take that brake, I'm just going to stagnant and not actually do anything with that time to help myself. I'm already so behind in life and I can only blame so much on overbeariness and coddling. tdlr: I fucking hate everything I'm doing with my life and myself and I'm losing hope of ever getting the help I need for that.

>>68470 take a semester out and do therapy

reviving this dead thread just to say ive never felt more alone and depressed in my life and the only thing i have to look forward to is getting kpop merch and photocards in the mail. my life is so pathetic and this pandemic isn't helping. i have nobody to talk to in real life at all so i have to vent about it on a fucking kpop board

>>99564 I'm sorry nona, I'm in a very similar boat. Do you have any online friends?

i have exercise bulimia and i went from 100lbs to 124lbs in 3 months, i’m 5’7 so it isn’t that bad but i feel disgusted. i cant stop binging and the exercise won’t burn it all off. i have so much stuff to do and i’m supposed to be in front of cameras and people but i’m so insecure that people will notice my weight gain. i wanna lose it all so fast but i can’t stop eating. i cant do anything but eat and exercise while on my phone. i feel like my eating disorder is taking precious time away from me along with my dreams

is there honestly any hope for me to fully recover from an ed as someone who's had an unhealthy relationship with food since they were a little kid. i'm tired of thinking of it 24/7

>>106438 i feel the exact same ive only had my ed for about two years but it feels like it will never go away. i’m obsessed with being as thin as kendall jenner or bella hadid and when i’m over a certain weight i am extremely depressed i feel like at this point for me recovery is over. there is of course always a chance though and you probably can.

the company i work for is a fucking mess and working here is extremely discouraging. i don't really have any specific anger to levy at anyone except our executives. i hate complaining, it's usually pretty unproductive, but it just sucks and i'm tired.

i am very lonely and i want a girlfriend so bad

i'm worried

>>115320 about what

not feeling too good today bros....

i hate existing its tiring ive never expected to be alive past 18 i feel so lost everyday im too much of a coward to kms i just rot in my room i feel pathetic i dont reach out to anyone cause they just tell me my prolonged anxiety and paranoia are nothing compared to their problems i dont really have anything to look forward to in the future other than my bg updates and dying

>>121489 relatable... you're probably very young so your life could do a 180 degree shift in a couple of years. the world kinda sucks right now for everyone but it will get better.

is it possible to feel alive again after burning out? i’m on meds but i still feel uncertain i’ll ever have the same capacity for wonder or passion ever again

i'm ana and i am literally doing what i've always done but i've been gaining weight every week and idk what to do but cry

i’m young but over 18. not over 21. i still have a life ahead of me. i feel like it’s too late though. i have so many dreams and i’ve been working hard to do them but my parents don’t take them seriously. even though i’m good with being on my own it sucks to have my parents know what i’ve wanted to do since i was a child but they think it’s just a joke and unrealistic. i’ve been doing good but they still don’t recognize that. my mom barely talks to me and when she does she is very rude. i’m doing what she wanted to do when she was my age and i think she could be bitter so she is taking it out on me. i don’t know but it just hurts. i have a job on the side for extra money and even though it’s a short shift it completely drains me because even there people are rude. i feel retarded and like people hate me for existing. i got a diagnosis for adhd after years recently too and i feel like it could be the root of many of my issues, sucks it took so long to get a diagnosis because my parents didn’t care when i was in high school almost failing because of it.

>>123852 anon your age range is still very young and it's not too late for anything, really. since you got diagnosed with adhd, getting treatment for it will probably improve your quality of life as well. you still have a long life ahead. best wishes

still dealing with my eds there is no end of my pain

>>124066 same nona, we will get through it. stay strong.

my relationship with my dad is non existent and complicated he hasnt been with my family for over a decade. he tries to call me on special occasions, i cant have a full fledge convo without crying by myself afterwards my older siblings come at me saying how rude i am for not wanting talking to him, one of those calls is coming up its emotionally draining im dreading it. i honestly dont remember much about him before he left, the day he dies idk how im going to survive the funeral being guilt tripped to mourn a man i barely knew

my best friends stans nct and wayv. i got into kpop thanks to her and lost interest in them recently thanks to sm. i don't have the heart to tell her when she complains about being tight financially that she's wasting her money on kpop ugh

>>124720 i can relate kinda. my friend got me into kpop and i was super into seventeen at first but i don't care about them anymore. she keeps asking me if i listened to their new songs or watching their show and i feel too awkward to tell her

>>124751 should i drop the friendship slowly or tell her to stop wasting her money? she's got it bad, she's planning to do a study abroad in seoul due to kpop. i became an sm-anti after seeing their plagiarism, aespa's concepts, nct's concepts, wayv's lack of progress, nct hollywood. sm as a company are going nowhere good lol, if lee sooman wasn't there they'd become like dsp.

>>125119 why would you really drop the friendship just becauze she spends her own money like a tard? no wonder some of you are lonely

>>125119 >she's planning to do a study abroad in seoul due to kpop probably gonna go to korea and realize it's the opposite of a kpop/kdrama fantasy heaven and come to her senses. if not, then it's basically a mental illness lol you have common interests other than kpop right? and you discuss stuff that's not involving kpop i hope? if not, then is that even a friendship lol. friends should like you as a person too, liking the same boybands isn't enough to sustain a friendship. i mean i can't imagine myself ending a friendship just because of kpop unless that friend is acting like a total autist about it

>>125122 we don't have many common interests and study in different unis. she's planning to study abroad in korea, attend a music show, get plastic surgery, date korean men (she already is in a long distance rship) and hopefully find a marriage partner. diverging life goals means we may not remain best friends lol but yea normal friendship is good too guess i am lowkey annoyed that she's gonna move away for good soon

>>125134 it's a middle school best friend, my former classmate of 4 years. we dabble in each other's interests but kpop suddenly became her biggest interest 2 years ago such that she learnt korean and i kept up with it.

i fucking hate that i was banned from cc bc my ip changed and a mod thought i was a moid and llc doesn't always load for me, why can't i have nice things? bet i'm gonna get banned on here too after posting this

im wondering if i should stop seeing my therapist. she's a nice person and is supportive for the most part but it feels like every week all i do is tell her about what i did since we last met and i'm not sure if it's productive. she mentioned using CBT like techniques during one of our first sessions but it hasn't really happened yet. also, she is frequently late to our sessions which is a bit frustrating. but it was very difficult to find a therapist so idk if i should leave. and i would feel guilty too

there is nothing more demoralising for the human spirit than being unemployed. if i could go back in time 2 years ago, I'd tell myself to apply for every fast food job i could find.

i have no ambitions whatsoever ive been out of uni for 2 years even if i got my degree now id still be unemployed i felt like i wasnt good enough to stand out in the field. before the pandemic my life has been shaky but it amplified everything bad im pretty much labeled the family failure i hate being alive

wish my mum believed in birth control she should have aborted me

I don't like that old threads are vanishing on this site or that it feels like it could crash any moment. Am considering signing up for soompi or akp since those forums are more stable hm

>>133299 old threads vanish on any regular imageboard lmao have fun on soompi

after some contemplation and medication i think i’m ready to dig myself out of this kpop rabbit hole. it will be very difficult but i’m sure my future self will be thankful.

>>133299 it’s supposed to be this way on most imageboards. some of the threads get expired after like half an hour on very active ones like 4chan. choachan is actually getting bigger not “unstable” like you’re saying lol

>>135119 best wishes, anon. how would you say k-pop has affected you negatively? it's supposed to be entertaining

>>135179 nta but it's literally designed to be an obsession which is unhealthy

>>135141 how is it getting bigger when everything is getting deleted

>>135330 bigger as in more people are using it moroni

>>135336 that doesn't make the interface any less unstable though

>>135345 i dont get what you mean, whats unstable?

>>135179 no doubt it is entertaining, but that’s all there is to it. if i continue to spend more time in this rabbit hole i’ve dug myself into (posting on multiple kpop forums/boards, stanning multiple groups, always keeping up to date on kpop stuff) i know i still won’t learn or gain anything of real life value. kpop music feeds my desire to not think at all and kpop in general feeds my desire to ignore my current reality and none of those are really helping me become a better person in the long run. for example, i used to stan and root for some nugus, hoping they would achieve their dreams and all, and now they’re likely millionaires or almost one, and i’m here still trying to get my life together. at some point i just felt strange investing most of my time and money into this whole thing. i don’t regret the time (and money) i spent on kpop though. it had its nice moments. my husbandos and groups helped me cope and posting with others was good fun. i just don’t see it being part of my future endeavors anymore. best wishes to you, too, anon.

>>135330 god you’re dumb learn how imageboards work

>>135569 you're misunderstanding

>>135330 they're designed to be like that kek you can archive it on your own if you badly want to preserve it or hope someone puts up a site like yuki.la

>>135575 misunderstanding what?

>>135576 it's too late for that now anyway

>>135513 ntayrt and i don't want to offend or stop you but >i know i still won’t learn or gain anything of real life value what even is that? i don't think most people know or have it. >i used to stan and root for some nugus, hoping they would achieve their dreams and all, and now they’re likely millionaires or almost one, and i’m here still trying to get my life together. never compare yourself to celebrities. sorry to say this but no matter how you will spend your life from now on, it is still very unlikely that you will ever be one of the few lucky ones who will be truly successful. it seems like you have mental health problems and search for something to blame it on. of course you can try but i don't think your situation will improve just by quitting a hobby. maybe you will even feel worse because you have no longer something that distracts or destresses you from your every day life. as long as you don't spend a lot of money on it or become a crazy stalker (which you aren't) i don't think it's something harmful. everybody has something they might be a little too into, it's just that people tell you that kpop is weird while e.g. my dad watching soccer every day is considered normal.

>>135605 yeah kpop needs to be normalized more as a hobby. it's unfair that shit like collecting stamps or baseball cards are shilled in comparison, even lauded as higher pursuits while the kpop they perceive merely consists of rabid fangirls who stream 24/7

>>135605 >never compare yourself to celebrities. sorry to say this but no matter how you will spend your life from now on, it is still very unlikely that you will ever be one of the few lucky ones who will be truly successful. ntayrt but this was a little reassuring for me <3. weird how strangers on the internet are more comforting than psychologists

i'm just going to say if you're not doing well mentally being on this site is not good for you, the amount of ridiculous shit some people say may rot your brain and make you worse

>>135605 >what even is that? i don't think most people know or have it. i meant it adds nothing of value to my life aside from entertainment. i did learn about the industry and how korean society functions but nothing worth justifying the time i spent. i disagree with your second statement, many people hone skills that land them better careers or pick up hobbies that open opportunities for them. i have many other things i’d like to explore and i reckon some of them would be a better use of my time than kpop >never compare yourself to celebrities. sorry to say this but no matter how you will spend your life from now on, it is still very unlikely that you will ever be one of the few lucky ones who will be truly successful thanks for the redpill but i just meant i used to care about my favorite idols/kpop almost more than myself or whatever was going on in my life and of course that had consequences for me. they could have succeeded without me in their life but i lost a lot of valuable time being a stan. of course these tendencies were my fault but i’ve stopped seeing the allure of idol-fan parasocial relationships now and am trying to spend more time bettering myself >it seems like you have mental health problems and search for something to blame it on. of course you can try but i don't think your situation will improve just by quitting a hobby. maybe you will even feel worse because you have no longer something that distracts or destresses you from your every day life. as long as you don't spend a lot of money on it or become a crazy stalker (which you aren't) i don't think it's something harmful. everybody has something they might be a little too into, it's just that people tell you that kpop is weird while e.g. my dad watching soccer every day is considered normal. i have considered these before, but my decision is firm. thank you for the insightful response sweet anon, i know you mean well and i appreciate it.

do you ever want to kill yourself but you're not depressed or suicidal

>>138620 girl...

>>138637 i was having a mood swing im fine now

the israel palestine conflict is so depressing. i agree with everything this israeli host says but to realise it was from 4 years ago and nothings changed made me feel sadder https://youtu.be/QyyUvxHLYr4

>>138647 >"conflict" bitch pls

>>138653 palestinian genocide amirite holocaust lebensraum

why am i so scared of men even if he is insanely attractive and flirts with me i wanna run into a bathroom and hide. he could be my husbando and i would not try talking to him because of my fear. when i am able to flirt back it’s awkward as hell. it happens all the time now that i am able to go out. maybe it’s because i prefer being alone and if anything becomes a relationship it’s going to get in the way of my goals but flirting once won’t become a relationship.

have been having to use rat to cope with everything

>>143916 how

i envy people who arent in debt i got screwed over with uni im prob going to be like 28 by the time i graduate it fucking sucks i just wanna lay in a ditch and die there

>>146201 that sucks, anon. are there any programs to offset tuition at all? i don't know if you work too, but some jobs offer tuition reimbursement

i want to die i can't handle this anymore

>>146357 what's wrong?

>>146358 nothing really i'm just mentally ill

all these annoying asexual demisexual nonbinary prudish lesbians trying to dictate what level of sexuality is allowed at pride is so fucking annoying. im a straight girl but jfc most ACTUAL """queer""" people are gay men and they should make the rules. not whiny unfuckable fat bitches.

>>146330 as far as school programs go for my case, not really my tuition got handed over to a debt collector so its not connected to the uni anymore idk i just might try to look for a job that offers that it sucks i wasnt working cause i was set on being a full time student

>>146360 This is so retarded. Nobody wants to go to a fag convention to see some ugly scrotes LARP as a shiny pleather-skinned dog. Men are predatory freaks, gay or not. The last thing they need is an open festival to be degenerative. You’re right though about aidens being annoying trying to make the rules.

>>146362 fags do, that's the point. let fags be fags. lesbians could go make a hand-holding knitting parade but they don't. they just bitch and complain about what DICK ENJOYERS do.

>>146363 May the STDs riddling your body to it’s end be swift, sir.

>>146370 mad dyke detected

fujos have brain damage from worshiping std ridden misogynistic faggots and flicking the bean to degeneracy

>>146530 >>146370 >>146362 >>146375 Touch grass

>>146530 angry aiden detected >>146810 dilate

i went from feeling ok or even good during the last couple months to suddenly feeling suicidal for the first time in many years the last couple days i've been constantly crying and panicking, no idea what to do

>>152788 do you think something triggered it or is it just random? this happens to me very often during pms, i hope you can get through this period

>>152821 i don't know. during my worst time right after high school i lived in another city and a few days ago i was there again (but not for the first time, so..?) and it suddenly hit me during the trainride home. i graduated uni and will start working full time in early autumn and i always sort of pushed away thinking about it, but i didn't like my major, i don't want to work that job (or rather i don't want to work at all), and my social life is non-existent, so i realized that i have zero to look forward for in my life, which makes me feel so insanely hopeless and sick

>leadership passes off something they want to do onto me because it's retarded >ask what they're hoping i accomplish with me taking over >his literal answer is "we don't know" REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

wah so tired of being talked over and told i’m lying about me being abused etc. my parents were never there for me and still try getting in my life so they can insult me and tear me apart. my mom always puts me down and tells me all of my failures even though i’m fully grown now. she says my mental illness is fake and my sexual assault was made up, that she never abused me when i was a kid. my boss and job i use on the side only for plastic surgery money insult me all day. i want to move and i want everything over with. i’m trying to leave my parents behind in a city and try to make it myself but they want to keep hurting me. i cry everyday and i’m in my room all the time now because she scares me. i just eat all day. she fuels my binge eating, ever since i told her how bad my binge eating has been she has bought me so much shit and has gotten mad at me for not eating 4k calories worth of food. my body is horrible because of it. not even at the right measurements for the job i wanted to do in my dream city now. it feels like she is sabotaging me on purpose. i feel like everything i wanted to do in my life is ruined because of her.

>>155797 jesus christ girl. how old are you? at some point you gotta call the shots on ur own life. your mom isn't force-feeding u. don't let her ruin your life. take responsibility for urself.

>>155797 i know by experience that being with abusive parents it's hard, you are probably young life is just beginning, work on yourself and leave that place. Stop listening to your mom (maybe try to act like you are trying to gain weight so maybe she is going to stop sabotaging you), don't let her have so much power over you i know it's hard (i'm still working on it) but you don't need her approval or validation, it's you story and your life don't let her try to tell you how things were because you were the one experiencing them. Don't let her win, try to make a plan to gain control over your life. Don't take the bad things people say about you because it will keep eating your self esteem and your confidence which you need to build to protect yourself from them, your worth as a person it's something you decide for yourself no anyone else, your future is yours, don't let those people steal your light i know you can do it because you are here even after all the stuff that happened in the past, that means you are strong and could endure all of that shit, you can pull yourself out of that situation, this current moment it just that a moment there's so many options and possibilities for you out there, fighting nona!

>>155841 nineteen so like just at the right time to take the next step with my life

>>155851 thank you nona the acting like i’m trying to gain is a good idea

nonas ive only seen my dad like once in my life and he decided to call me rn, i didnt pick up of course, and now im crying over it i feel like a loser when have i gotten so weak

I’m starting to get eczema on different parts of my body. The itching is awful. Nonas, do any of you have experience with eczema/atopic dermatitis? What helped you, diet/creams/treatment/etc?

>>157071 i have psoriasis and nothing really worked until i went to the doctor and got steroid based creams. it still hasnt cleared up but its better than if i put nothing on it at all.

>>157088 beware when using topical steroids because your skin can get resistant to them and then they won't work at all. After your skin will become worse, some people get so bad they can't even move because of how painful it is.

i’m having an existential crisis i am scared of death and life feels fake

>>158467 its true anon we are living in the matrix take the redpill

>>158480 does the matrix mean we will never die nona and this is just temporary if so i am taking it

>>158482 no the body in the real world die and so does the avatar in the matrix iirc

i can't bring myself to feel sorry for idols mental problems if i have the same problems (and i know many of you other nonas have them too) but i am a boring normie while they at least get to work their dream job, have 1000s or millions who admire, encourage, worry about them (and some of them are even filthy rich) i just feel jealous, i'd love to be in their shoes instead

>>158563 they also get thousands of people tearing them down every second and getting stalked, besides but i get you, they're living the life they've always wanted and all of them knew what they were getting into.

>>158571 for every single hate comment they get 100 or 1000 loving ones, that's something nobody else has and succeeding in living an unrealistic dream is also extremely rare and lucky

wish i could just die already

>>128426 so i ended up leaving my therapist and i feel so guilty and like a bad person even though i know it wasn't really working i feel bad

>>159397 you did the right thing nona don't feel bad about it

accepting the fact ill never feel connected with anyone not romantically but in general ill feel lonely no matter what

>>159497 i'm sorry nona, i am the exact same way and i have no advice. at least we have anonymous imageboards and our oppars to keep us some company

>>159497 you might be a schizoid

>>159505 its comforting to know im not alone its been extra hard lately im grateful i found this place even if its a little distraction >>159506 honestly you could be right but i dont think i can get professional help not right now at least it would be difficult my family doesnt believe in that

>>159506 what she's describing is the exact opposite of what a schizoid is

want to kill myself there is no proof of anything getting better in the future every year in my life has been shit. i have nobody but my childhood abusive parents. i cope by imagining me and my oppar being together. i’m too retarded to do anything extraordinary.

>>165986 99% of the people wont do extraordinary things in their lives anon. thats probably just yet another capitalist discourse to either justify inequality or make people work like retards. you're probably very young and theres so much to happen. the whole pandemic situation is probably not helping either

>>165986 >i cope by imagining me and my oppar being together. i’m too retarded to do anything extraordinary. my family situation is better than yours (very sorry to you for that, not having at least your mom as a backbone sounds like hell) but other than that same, last week i suddenly became painfully aware of how much i've daydreamed for years and years instead of actually doing something fun or worthwhile irl ironically i was one of the people who tried to talk this nona >>135119 out of quitting kpop just 2/3 weeks ago, and now i suddenly feel so desperate and depressed that i thought of doing the same

>>166171 This is called maladaptive daydreaming. You can look for treatment for it. Usually there is some kind of issue that causes you to daydream excessively that you need to work on.

>>166172 oof just looked up an article about this and yeah, sounds like me. especially that it often happens if you go for a jog, which is also kind of the main "daydreaming time" for me. the reason why i daydream is obviously because my actual life is shit, boring and lonely.

>>166171 >last week i suddenly became painfully aware of how much i've daydreamed for years and years instead of actually doing something fun or worthwhile irl I do this too. I make big elaborate daydreams with stories that I guess would be my ideal life or at least more exciting. It's all a cope because then I snap out of it for a second and realize how dull and boring my life is and that I've done nothing with it and time is running from me

>>166177 for some reason i one day snapped out of it, realized that i'm an adult now and will work soon, and since that day i'm in a state of panic. should i learn how to cope with the fact that i will lead a mediocre life which i never ever wanted? or should i try (and likely fail) to reach my childish and impossible dreams? both options make me feel sick and cry 24/7

>>166178 at least you have dreams, nona. you should chase them. much like the previous poster I also daydream and it crippled my life, but I always tell myself I never had life ambitions so it's not like I lost much. Look seriously into doing whatever it is you want. At least try.

>>166181 my dream is to be famous. that's not much better than having no dreams.

>>166183 same nona

i read some more about maladaptive daydreaming and shit, now i'm even more scared and worried: there are so many like me, who also dream about being famous, who dream that they're with their fav celebrity, who have no joy in their actual lifes and some of those people are 40+, 50+, just doing that all their life...

Why conspiracy theorists ruin everything fucking fun

>>166183 it's really easy to get social media famous, you can try that at least

>>166222 what do you mean

>>166227 but that's not my original dream, so i feel like it wouldn't be enough

>>166228 Conspiracy theorists always accuse my favorite singers of being pedophile :(((

>>39815 >>146359

how do i deal with the fact that no one will ever feel anything remotely romantic towards me or be atleast interested in me as a person? makes me want to kms

>>167084 by realizing thats not true lmao. stop being such a doomer femcel theres someone out there for everyone and based on the fact that youre here im assuming youre in your early 20s so thats even dumber to think

>>166229 well after you get some social media cloud, you could try to do something more meaningful or artistic

>>167084 well, if you keep that attitude, yeah no one will. alternatively you could stop feeling sorry for yourself and actually go out and make an effort to meet people. the world isn't an american tv show about high school where only stacies and chads get attention while everyone else is a loser. most people in the world are average, many are ugly even and that doesn't mean they don't get attention from the opposite sex. work on your insecurities instead of reading stupid shit you see on the internet about relationships. also, when you're insecure, you're like a magnet for manipulate scrotes who want to use you

>>167467 lol just realized i assumed you're straight, sorry if you're not

my self esteem and body image has got to be at the lowest it's ever been. im not even confident in my personality or interests on top of it and I dont really have many friends and theres just nothing about myself that I like and its making me want to die

man i think ill really die alone i dont have many meaningful relationships or feel like im worth being remembered. i only talk to one person online on occasion i thought i got over her but it hit me recently while on the influence that i still have feelings for her, she drunk confessed to me years back but we both subconsciously agreed it would be better to stay friends.its pathetic how i get jealous seeing her have so many friends while i struggle to have convos i hate it. i know a relationship wont improve my situation but it would be nice for someone to say that they love me you know?

there is nothing to like about me. i am not pretty. i am weird. only creeps like me and manipulate me. i want to be loved by people who i like not being forced to be liked by creeps because that’s all i can get.

>>167467 i was talking about my personality not my appearance. i can't imagine someone thinking that i'm interesting or likeable and worth getting into a relationship with. watching most of my friends getting into relationship is kind of frustrating sometimes i guess. you're right though, i should improve myself and my attitude instead of whining about it. thank you anon

i want to quit my job so bad

>>174460 what's stopping you?

>>171858 Think of the kind of person you want to be and then work on becoming that person. If you don't like yourself and your life the only thing you can do is change it until you like yourself. Also don't give creepy men a change. Better to die alone than waste time on a creepy man.

>>174464 i need money and i dont have anything else lined up yet

job searching is so shitty. i dont want to be a neet but goddamn. if i even get an interview i do research and take it seriously only to end up interviewing with some rando who half the time hasn't looked at my resume and doesnt even know what position im interviewing for. I even got stood up for a zoom interview. when i emailed asking if there had been techinical difficulties no one replied. the absolute worst though is when the person is enthusiastic, loving it, all "can't wait to bring you on board" and then.... nothing. radio silence. no follow-up not even a "thanks but no thanks" FUCK

this is so stupid to post on here, but im honest to god anachan trying to recover- bc i got sick of shitting my intestines out every day from lax abuse and going bald- but i fucking hate this so much. all i do is get fatter. even if i restrict i can’t lose anything unless i fast and purge. my metabolism is so fucked. it’s all i can think about. if i’m still balding and bloating and in constant pain when i try and get better, why does it even matter. I wanna lose 10 pounds and be back in 17 bmi by july. fuck kpop i’m sick of seeing it look so easy for these idols. sorry for this. no one irl knows.

>>176055 nona im in the same boat, kinda. i'm fucking tired of starving myself but i hate gaining weight so much. and i don't have any normal hunger feelings cos my body is so fucked.

Got my final vaccine shot yesterday and my arm is SO sore and swollen today I just need to bitch about it anywhere I can. It wasn't like this last time so I wasn't expecting any side effects this time either but it hurts so much... Glad it's the last one but ow ow ow ow ow fuck shit ow ow ow fuck ow

>>191071 that sucks nona i hope you'll feel better soon

>>191071 try slowly massaging around it to increase blood flow. helped me

cant stop thinking about breaking up with bf of four years. the spark is just gone for me, i don’t miss him or want to be with him the way i used to. i miss being excited to see him. i used to be so happy thinking about our future together and now i just get sad.ahhhhh

life feels so meaningless. we only live for a moment of happiness that doesn’t last then everything falls after. we collect memories for nothing. we live for this stupid fucking system that doesn’t give a shit about us. all of our relatives and friends die right in front of us. then most of us die old sad and broken down. never coming back again. i really don’t see the point and want to end it all now.

>>195833 did you talk to him about it?

>>195833 am in the same exact situation except the rl's been longer than that. he's great and everything i just feel bored and don't even wanna meet up anymore

sometimes i feel like deleting all my social medias and start anew with a new identity i dont feel a connection to my only internet friends anymore i cant be bothered to talk to them since they only talk about what current thing theyre obsessing over and i feel like the odd one out it hurts cause we were rly close a few years back i think im doomed to never have any long lasting friendships

>>206153 im only there for kpop updates i should just resort to only imageboards

>>206155 nta but only if you feel like, people use social media for different reasons anyway i don't think there's nothing wrong with using it, (i mean social media steals your data makes a few rich with your stuff, etc) but for a lot of people is just a price to pay in this modern world but honestly i feel like irl connections and relationships are more meaningful. don't be so fatalistic about never having long lasting friendship after all we really don't know what the future has in store for us, if it really hurts you maybe it will be the best to cut ties with them or maybe try to get in the same things as them.

am mostly vegetarian and got diagnosed with kidney stones, so 70% of my diet is now off limits wtf what am i supposed to subsist on? air?

>>206187 uhhh try pescatarian temporarily as a compromise to help add a calorie source? dont want to end up with too little calories for an extended period

>>206191 yeah i'll have to try, th. aching pain takes all the fun out of eating and is making me lose my appetite.

>>206200 when i was having trouble with getting enpugh food (digestion issues) I added a bit of coconut oil or ghee to my portion of rice. idk how much that helped but it doesnt hurt i think

>>206206 i don't take rice. problem is i love tofu, potatoes, dates, nuts, spinach. apparently they all contribute to kidney stones, 40% of my diet is tofu. i drink plenty of water so idk why stones form, guess i'll have to start eating fish for a bit

>>206419 did you doctor tell you this or did you just read it online (no judgement either way) i only ask because i’ve gotten a kidney stone and they never told me to change my diet, am also vegan

>>210533 I went to the hospital to get the stones removed with laser and was told to cut down on tofu and other oxalate rich food for the time being.

>>175886 i feel you nona. job search is shit. i had so many bad experiences now that sending a resumè scares the shit out of me. sometimes i wonder what was the use of all the hard work to get these qualifications and awards when people treat you like shit. just because its panini and there are many who want that position people are openly taking advantage and writing posts about work ethic on linkedin. some of the biggest mncs have some of the shittiest hr teams.

so tired of degeneracy. society is doomed to collapse without religion

>>225403 well did you cry?

fuck wrong thread

>>225805 you might have avpd or something. go get checked out anon and ask for help if you can. mental illnesses can develop in anyone no matter how good or bad your life is

>>225805 are you me? i feel the exact way... got diagnosed with depression though

>>225805 try taking a NAC supplement (something like 1200mg with food) if you dont have access to a therapist rn. it might be only a bandaid but its also low cost and no risk to try for a month and it has some evidence of taking the edge off anxiety or negative rumination.

>>225805 I've been doing more shit to try and raise mine but I completely understand how you feel nona

im sick getting better but it sucked for this past week i have to take my dog to the vet, get my passport, find a better job but this has totally railroaded me and killed my drive and now i'm on my period so it's two times the pessimism. fuck's sake

>>227941 syncsis.... i feel your pain

anyone had the covid vaccine and experienced side effects? Or covid? I had the Pfizer vaccine 2nd dose and it feels terrible

>>229042 awful arm pain the day after vaccination. also got some body and underarm aches. how many days since you got it?

>>229042 i got j&j (cause there wasnt anything else at the time) and had weird hormonal side effects. boobs were achey for a week (usual premenstrual aches last for 2 days for me) and my period was delayed by a week-10 days or so. a mild headache and tiredness for a day the day after getting the shot. this was a while ago and my most recent period was normal

>>229063 J&J is one dose only right? I had side effects both times of pfizer so i kinda hope it's the last time i ever have to do a vaccine. >>229060 day 2 of the 2nd pfizer. i got a sore eye (looks like conjunctivitis), joint pains, bad fatigue. thing is, so many people i know still got covid delta despite the pfizer/moderna vaccines which are most effective i wonder what the purpose is.

>>229042 2nd moderna dose a few weeks ago and the arm pain was terrible for about a day and a half afterward

>>229042 my whole family had pfizer vaccine and none of us had any side effects. i hope this doesnt mean we will get extra fucked by the delta covid kek my best friend was also vaccined but with the moderna and she nearly ended up in the hospital

>>229042 im fully vaxxed with pfizer and both times i just had a really sore arm for a couple of days afterwards but no other side effects

i am getting real tired of libfems and pick me's defending troons,men,bdsm,sex work.i hate that men wanting to torture women is seen as normal and women are expected to cheer them on because it hurts their feewings or its kink shaming.i hate that men are getting lighter sentence for murder because they claim that it was just sexy time gone wrong.i hate the women who defend these scum.i want to mind my business,i really do but I also don't want more women to get sucked into this and lose their lives.there was never a time period in history where women were safe.i don't believe in afterlife but I want it to exist just so these people can burn in hell.

>>230591 same. i have no hope in this gen. they’re all being thought online to hate radfems.

>>230591 this + the normalization of bad plastic surgery for under 25s western ps "trends" are so terrible and face ruining and 17 year olds getting crazy hideous lip fillers when that shit wasn't a thing 5-10 years ago when I was in hs… there's going to be half a generation of botched bitches

>>230591 exactly my thoughts too

>>229408 the vaccine is for the symptoms u dumbass. U can still get infected

>>229408 21st century and this bitch still doesnt understand vaccines

>>231599 >>231777 >>231797 glad that i am not alone nonas.lets push through these hellish times and die in peace when our time comes

>>232664 I want to believe beauty standards will circle back around to naturalistic and plastic surgery trends will die, and it'll be like the 90s again. except thick bodies will still be seen as cute and ppl won't be encouraged to become anachans

i feel so ugly it makes me incapable to do anything. i’m very underweight and still look ugly. ive been bullied for my looks since i was a kid. i want a whole facial reconstruction. i’m doomed. being an ugly woman makes life not live able it feels like.

before anything i cant simply pick up my stuff and move out my sister brought over this scrote that knocked her up to live with us, this isnt the first time shes brought a guy over, the little privacy i had is completely gone. my mom (shes very traditional and old fashioned) takes his side over mine and expects me to accommodate him, shes barely known the guy for a few months. not only that she just body shamed me in front him i dont feel comfortable in my own house i dont have any irl friends, if i did i would have gone to their places to try and minimize my time at home, i absolutely despise men

>>235972 what country are you from, south america? I can't inagine my mum taking in some dude who knocked her kid up much less taking his side... sorry nona

>>235972 like your mum can't be that traditional or old fashioned if she's siding with some stranger dude. my parents are old fashioned and they'd 1) force their daughter to abort the kid if the guy is a deadbeat 2) beat the shit out of the dude and their daughter if they don't stop seeing each other. kek I'm in asia

>>235973 im from america but my mom is latina she already wants my sis to marry the guy, shes practically keeping my sis home cause she helps pay the bills it fucking sucks >>235974 old fashion as in shes used to serving men/thinking theyre the head of the household type of mindset shes never said it outloud but shes pro life

>>235976 Whatever you do don't run away, lock your door and just be cold.

>>235978 yeah i dont plan on running away i barely have money for that, im glad my room has a lock so i can sleep peacefully at night

>>234328 nona are you sure you're ugly? i bet you dont look as bad as you think

>>244571 just go to a therapist

me @ 90% of the girlies venting here

>>244576 i already have one and i was improving but i fell back

>>244571 literally i guarantee no one thinks of you like that, whats the worse you've done? kill someones pet or something? you gotta stop with the self loathing, i know, easier said than done. but its really not impossible, maybe convey some of your feelings to your mother, or participate in small activities with her if you dont already, making meals for the two of you, stuff like that. maybe pick up something to do to kind of distract you from like, thinking about yourself so much. distraction has helped me, try journaling if you havent. i journal a lot less nowadays but at the peak of my deranged-ness, journaling kind of helped a bit im seeing slightly objectively, it also kinda made me realize how self absorbed i was always thinking about myself and my flaw and my mistakes, me me me but i digress. i hope you can learn to love and improve yourself. i cant help with much but im rooting for things to get better for you

>>244571 ive been going through something similar, its an emotional rollercoaster that leaves you struggling with ur self worth im seconding journaling like this nona >>244624 i dont have access to therapy or meds and i find it to be a good outlet to have just to dump all ur negative thoughts as well as sort them. if you need a distraction i recommend a hobby or something to pass time that involves ur hands, i find it better than watching movies/videos. i wish you well nona

>>244571 i know how it is nona. i feel like nothing good will ever happen and i should give up. i feel ugly too and only have my mom. we can pull though. stay strong nona!! it will all pass.

>>244624 you're right nona, i think it has a lot to do with being too focused on myself. i started to get better at recognizing irrational thought patterns until a few weeks ago and idk what happened then because it felt like all that progress flew out the window. >>244947 i think picking up some old hobbies is a good idea, might have to think about journalling some more >>245508 hope you nonas are doing okay and your situations will improve, love you

>>244624 nta but ive been struggling with insecurities that have become quite severe lately and your point about being self absorbed actually made me think. i should try to focus on being good and kind to other people rather than focusing so much on myself. thanks for writing about your experience anon! might help a sis out

why do my waist and hip measurements never change despite losing weight, fml

>>246879 because... bones... i..

>>246924 im fat, my stomach should be getting smaller as I lose weight but its not. im not THAT retarded

>>247094 it might take some more weight loss to see a noticeable difference. maybe your body type is wider in general. also depends on how fat? if you're morbidly obese it could just be skin instead of fat

>>247116 i guess so, its just very disheartening to not see any physical changes

>>247118 you'll get there anon. don't measure yourself or weigh yourself just keep doing what you've been doing without putting too much pressure on getting fast results. i lost a lot of weight as well so i know the struggle but it'll pay off eventually

>>244571 It feels like I wrote this

>>247118 taking progress pics might help. if you're looking at yourself in the mirror every day you're not gonna see a big change but compare today to 6 months ago you will see a big difference

i feel like crying nonas. i hate having strech marks, they look so fucking ugly. i don't get why they keep coming. i was never fat nor overweight and i never gained a lot of weight in a short period of time either. i thought i stopped getting them but ive noticed new ones appearing on my hips and the ones on my thighs getting larger. i didnt even gain any weight lately. i hate being able to feel how theyre forming on your skin, its such a disheartening feeling and makes me feel horrible about myself. the worst part is that they are fucking everywhere, inner thighs, boobs, hips, ass and now on my lower back too. not to wallow in self pity but it seems so unfair. none of my friends have them so why do i have them? i hate it i fucking hate it they look repulsive and disgusting and gross. i sometimes wish i could just cut them off or pull them out or scratch them off. i tried to cut them out once in a moment of insanity but it didnt work obviously. also, looking at them makes me want to sewerside sometimes yes i tried out some creams but it feels pointless and i give up too easily. at least theyre not that deep and not immediately noticable. i know they could look worse but they still bother me so much and i dont know what to do anymore.

>>247884 it's okay, nona. the idea that stretchmarks are only from losing/gaining weight or pregnancy is a myth. it can happen to anybody at any time, and you would be surprised how many ppl you don't think have stretchmarks are hiding them under their clothes.

>>247884 would you look at some random average weight girl on the beach with some stretchmarks visible and think how disgusting and horrid she looks and how gross her body is? i didnt even know stretchmarks were a bad thing till someone pointed mine out

>>247884 i feel you sis, i have stretchmarks on my knees and on the back of my knees going down almost to my ankles. always been underweight too, they just appeared one day. i'm ashamed of showing my legs because i've never seen anyone else with this specific stretchmark placement, but whenever i see girls having theirs visible without giving a fuck it makes me feel a lot better. i know you're probably already aware of this but it's just your perception, i never think other people look gross with them and i bet neither do you

>>247886 and if you think all the girls you see online don't have them it's because they shoop them out or hide their specific placements (or they are one of the people who have zero stretchmarks, but don't assume that's true of everyone else, they really aren't rare or unusual, you'll even see them on a lot of men when you start looking for them).

i really want this job

>>249824 manifesting it for you

>>247884 the creams only help to decrease stretch marks when they're recently formed (reddish), either way don't worry about it

i hate writing cover letters so much why do they have to be a thing. just read my resume and ask me questions at an interview it's such a waste of time

thinking about 8 years ago when i really wanted to read house of leaves... and my sister went around the whole of glasgow trying to cop it for me... and then she ended up ordering a copy online for me for 30 smackeroos... i love my sister bros book wasn't even that good

my mom doesnt know i starve myself for hours and only sees me when i binge eat, proceeding to tell me i shouldnt eat xyz and that i should serve myself less, she always tries to shove weird ‘weight loss’ pills from sketchy ads down my throat that are just glorified laxatives i fucking hate her

>>262508 your mom sounds kinda unhinged but if you're trying to lose weight starving (and binging) is the worst thing you could do. eat many small portions throughout the day and healthy snacks, that way you never become too hungry to the point where you eat way too big of a meal this is the natural way i eat and im underweight, i've actually been wanting to gain weight but i keep getting too lazy to change my eating patterns

>>262508 >starving for hours >hours >binging yeah uh this reads really weird to me? i don't eat for hours either. like in between meals and i'll still eat normal amounts of food when i do eat. do you have binge eating disorder, anon? because not eating for a few hours isn't starving

most people go hours without eating then have a big meal nona your perception about what healthy eating is seems distorted as hell

living with a mentally unwell person is so hard. my mother refused to get any help when it was possible and now we're at a point where we can't afford much except the barest essentials and it's getting harder and harder. she makes up false memories and false perceived slights against her. has completely altered views of events. thinks everything her children do is to demean her. accuses me of saying things i've never said to her from literal seconds ago. she's also depressed, has been since i've been alive. i just don't know what to do.

i can't keep doing this. there's a news of a woman being brutally murdered by someone she knew every single day where i live, like, every single fucking day. how can i not be paranoid? i wish i could do something, i feel so hopeless. these women are killed like dogs. i hate this shithole so much, i hate everything so much.

>>265125 stay safe, nona. maybe donate to some charities that improve women's safety or help spread legit/good information about safety if you can.

>>265139 thank you, i will look for trustworthy foundations to donate to. i'm so scared all the time, you know. i wish i could protect every woman from this

i wish i was skinny again. ever since i got admitted to the ed hospital like 2 years ago i’ve just been gaining. i hate it and i hate myself. i hate how much i love myself whenever i’m skinny. now i’m so painfully average with 0 energy despite now eating like a normal person. i just hate facing the fact that the vast majority of earths population are nobodies and will die forgotten. being skinny and beautiful was all i and going for me and now i’m just a plain loser who just wants to lay in her bed all day.

it's coming back the depressive episodes not this shit again.

>>253191 YES and most of the time a human is never even going to lay eyes on the damn thing case my resume got scrapped by whatever algorithm they set up to scan candidates cause i didnt use the correct buzzwords

>>270586 same, i can almost taste it. what should we do...

do you ever just look at pictures of yourself and think "that is not me"? my therapist says its my body dysmorphia but it's not just that i hate what i see, i literally can't connect to it. its not me. it feels like im looking at someone else.

>>272839 sounds like depersonalization i dont take many pictures of myself but i dont feel connected to the very few i do have

i hate my job i hate my job i hate my job aaaaaa i hate phones there is nothing in our evolutionary biology that has hardwired us to take phonecalls and talk down receivers ahhhhh i hate my fucking job i wanna go back to being a fat alcoholic neet so bad

I hate this stupid pandemic. It's not getting better in my country and I don't think it ever will because of the stupid government. I'm stuck in my house with nothing to do. I've been in my house for almost 2 years and now I don't know how to socialize without having to panic in between the sentences of the conversation. I can't reach out to my "friends" because I haven't talked to them for a long time. I'm losing all hope because I found myself scared of stepping out of my own room yesterday. so many uneventful days has passed I'm getting tired of being here, I flood myself with kpop content or anything that could make me happy even for a short time but honestly it's drowning me instead of helping me when I have nobody.

>>272839 i feel like i look different in every photo and every time i look in the mirror. it's annoying and no one understands so i can't vent to anyone about it

Since i got i job i been relying on xanax too much but i don't think i can work otherwise. i need to get professional help, my life is finally moving to somewhere but i can tell i'm slowly descending in a darker path (i just wasted like 1/8 of my paycheck on drugs lsd/dmt) just to keep myself afloat i can't let this momentum got to waste seems like slowly my depression is receding i feel less suicidal now too but my anxiety is spiking so much and that's where xanax comes in everytime i feel too overwhelmed or like i can't do what i have to do i just take a quarter of a bar but nowadays i need to take more to have the effects i want which is feel less anxious damm, hopefully next week i am going to set an appointment to start to receiving professional help, i could do it this week but i want to go with my cousin since she also need help, i just want to be free.

>>274244 same fag fucking hell i hate working at a call center, i hate having so much anxiety i just have my first 5 calls and i got an horrible mental breakdown, i hate having a little girl voice i hate being a esl and burgers not being able to understand what I'm saying i hate people hanging on me like dude maybe I'm making you wait but seriously I'm doing my best

i feel like i need to stop being on here so much because it's becoming less fun and more frustrating, no idea why. i guess what i'll do is come see what's up once or twice a week, so i don't feel weirdly burnt out. anyone else feeling the same? or am i thinking too hard about it?

>>282081 i feel the same way, it's draining

>>282081 I feel the same too. I tried the once a week thing but but it actually made it even more draining to come here that way. I’m planning on quitting this place next week for good and forgetting about it. I think that’s the best way. >>282090

>>282081 >>282090 >>282637 interesting. i rely on this place too much

>>282673 For what

>>283197 kek idk company? or a community moreso.

>>282081 might be time to stop a bit and then come back i find that i only like to post a lot at certain times like right now also only posting once in a while

i hate when old ppl say "children these days have it so easy". like yeah? is that not the point? is that not what we striver after? sure, if they said it from an environmental standpoint, as in like "these children overconsume and that is harmful to the planet and environment" id be fine. but those hags never care about that. it's always just based on pity.

i fucking despise alcoholics in my family i hope they get liver disease

>>289308 it's an addiction

i just need to vent because im so sad and angry nonas my childhood dog got attacked by an off leash pit at the park (not even the dog park, my mom was just walking along the path) and we had to put her down i hate these dogs, i hate these people who have a savior complex and "save" these fucking animals from the shelter and then dont train them, and then just attack anyone who dares tell them these dogs deserve to die out because theyre terrible pets. i hate seeing these dogs plastered all over the internet wearing cute hats and flower crowns and their stupid defending owners going "uwu hes such a fat baby he wouldnt hurt a soul" my best friend of 13 years is now dead and went horribly, suddenly, and in pain. my parents are traumatized and all this fucking bitch said to us was "oh well he's never done that before", not even a fucking apology for KILLING our family member. i couldnt even say goodbye because im halfway across the country getting ready for college im so mad and angry and i just need to vent, sorry nonas.

>>290987 thats so fucking sad nona. it makes me infuriated that they wouldn't even apologise. i feel bad for your mum who had to see it too. i can't even imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. take care <3

i can't fucking catch this motherfucking mosquito and its already bitten me like seven times argh

This is going to be a novel so I suggest looking away cause its gonna be long-winded and boring, I just need to get this venom out cause there is no one irl i can shout about this at. SO FIRST i get hired to do a project, the timelines and expectations are wishy-washy but nothing too terrible. It's corporate and boring and they aren't great about communicating deadlines or approving my time on time but its whatever, its only like 6 hours/week and its a resume builder. Everything's cool for like a month and a half. THEN last week some choad I've never heard of before with a cheap haircut named JASON has tons of feedback. They want me to go back and make changes to everything AND create an entirely NEW thing with very vague instructions. They unearth from somewhere a hideous little 200x200 pixel logo that has been chewed up and spit out by time and want me to recreate it as well in AI. The kicker? They want all this done in TWO DAYS. I am already working another full time job mind you but ok just this once. I tell them I can't do the new thing until they send me a reference but the rest I can do. I drink some extra caffeine and pound it out in the evenings. I do it, send it in. Two hours later mr. choad himself sends an email asking me to AGAIN redo huge swaths of work and ask about the third thing which he hasnt sent the reference for (he basically tells me to just "work it out" wow thanks mr. choad). He sent this email at 5pm. He wants everything redone (which also requires files be sent to me by another party) by 8:30 THE NEXT MORNING. I do NOT know where this dude gets off. I politely but firmly tell him that deadline is impossible to meet but I could have it to him EOD the next working day after that and get to work. I also ask him for some clarification. TOTAL RADIO SILENCE. UNTIL I need to get my time approved. SUDDENLY I get a rude ass message saying that "looking at the output" there is no way I spent this much time and that I am just making shit up. Fuck. These. People. In. The. Butt. With. A. Rusty. Iron. Spike.

tired of having my every decision dictated by food and calories. it's been years at this point and some days i just get really weary about it. the solution is simple but i'm still not ready for that yet

currently have to decide between getting therapy and getting the job i don't want and studied 5 years for sorry that i get mad at people asskissing 30yo millionaire moids

>>294597 stop being a retard and go get yourself checked moroni

i'm starting to get scared that something bad will happen to my mother because she can no longer take my ana little sister yes she's ill, but she's also so manipulative, she's destroying our mom

fuck i need to quit this job i cannot keep using alcohol/xanax/microdosing lsd just to keep going i just not sustainable and the worst is like the only thing that works well with my anxiety is xanax but i don't want to get addicted i probably need to get professional help instead of self medicating, i should just quit and get another job since bilingual call center jobs are posted often but the moment i get calls i will probably get a panic attack again, yesterday was so horrible first they couldn't understand what i was saying and it fucked me up i couldn't keep going, i suddenly didn't know what i was supposed to do i felt so lost and i hang up to the customer, and then i got and horrible panic attack i was crying for like 2 hours, i don't know if working on site would make things easier for me but i can tell that since my training on site ended i been doing so much worse. i feel so sad to quit and my trainee has been nothing but kind to all of us, i feel so sad i couldn't help those two clients yesterday. At least i was able to hold on enough for two paychecks but it feels awful i always end up quiting things because my anxiety gets horrible.

>>296215 it's alright, call center turnover is ridiculous. call center jobs are extremely difficult if you're anxiety prone whatsoever, don't torture yourself over it, and your trainer will completely understand

>>296215 have you considered something a little less public facing? maybe data entry or virtual assistant type stuff

Fuck me I hate these fancy new interview bullshit these retarded hr bitches come up with. Videos, fucking roleplay sessions fuck off with this stupid shit and just tell me if I have or don't have what you want. >>296215 Call centers are infamous for being shit, high stress workplaces. Don't beat yourself up for it.

>>299173 interviewing sucks, it feels like going on endless boring first dates. thankfully ive never had anyone make me roleplay although i have had jobs ask what my meyers-briggs type is

i don't know if i should tell my therapist this but i constantly feel like i'm being watched. not in a stalker peeping through my window way but more like the things i see, hear, feel, think, smell are accessible to others but from my pov. like someone else is sitting in my brain. and its not just a faceless crowd experiencing this but always a specific person i'm currently obsessed with. my husbando, an irl crush, my cool professor etc. it's always someone i want to impress and whose judgement i value alot. i always feel watched from doing the most mundane things like cleaning my apartment to exciting things like going out and having fun with my friends. i am really self conscious of how i act and how i present myself because i don't want the person who's watching me to see me in a bad light. i am able to control whats being watched so i can stop it during embarassing moments like idk being on the shitter. i don't know why i'm experiencing this. am i a narcissist? is this autism? is this just a side effect of my social anxiety? i don't know. but i also dont know how to stop it. i feel like crying sometimes and it's frustrating because i feel so insane and i don't know what to do. at the same time i don't want to stop it either because it's comforting and makes me feel less lonely and like someone's always with me. it gives my actions some form of value and my life feels less meaningless and it makes me feel like i'm worth something. i am both aware that it's not actually happening but also delusional enough to feel like it's real while experiencing it you know? i've talked to my irl friend about this and she told me she kind of relates to it and she seems pretty normal to me. this all started when i was 16 i think. maybe earlier i don't know, i don't remember not knowing what it feels like. it's become so normal to me, i don't question it usually but if i think about it i feel like i'm completely crazy. what do i do? should i tell my therapist about this? what if she puts me in some type of asylum? i'm scared of the consequences of saying all this out loud because then it doesn't feel real anymore and i'll have to face that it's all just in my head and the person who's watching me actually doesn't care about me that much. yes i technically already know this but i feel like i can't come back after that. please don't judge me nonas... i know i'm delusional :(

>>301596 reminds me of that one margaret atwood quote, something about you are your own voyeur, sorry anyways i think everyone does this too some extent because we all want to come across a certain way but it looks to be actively making you miserable. so yes, please, please do tell your therapist, i don't think this is something that'll get you put in an asylum, she's your therapist and her literal job is to help you with this and she definitely knows better than us ib-dwellers. i wish you good luck in your sessions, please think about sharing this with her so she can actually help you like she is paid to

learning to cope with the fact that i may indeed have anachan tendencies after denying it for so long

>>301596 You should definitely tell your therapist especially if its making you unhappy. It's really hard to get people committed against their will and nothing in what you said sounds like you're a danger to yourself or others so i wouldnt worry

not anorexic, just depressed still ruined my physical health by eating like shit anyway

i have it in my fucking email that i only take calls by appointment and i know you read my email because that's the only way you could've known my extension. stop playing these fucking games

my mum's boyfriend minimalizing my anxiety and depression to pms... no dude the reason why im sad today is not because im a woman its due to years of emotional abuse and trauma by my father and mum's last boyfriend. also the reason why i won't open up to him because i can't take another 'father figure' betraying me

>>313868 reading that pisses me off so much, nona. i'm sorry. *hug*

this thread is starting to become my public dairy smh... got three new baby chicks today. they are so cute and taking care of them makes me so happy

>>316807 HENderysis...?

>>316980 you got me...

i wish i could experience genuine happiness without having to rely on my gaypops and hasty purchases

we hired two new people on our team and one is so much significantly worse than the other that i feel bad, but he can't be anything other than a detriment to the team

>>316807 awwww yay nona

>>317344 yay i'm happy for you girlie <3

goddamn i can't stand students that do absolutely no work all semester and then come crying to me to improve their mark when they see the final grade because they really ~need~ a good/passing mark in the class and it's ~so important~ to them, like if it was so important why didn't you make any effort at all? i do keep records so a half-assed attempt at pretending you submitted something isn't going to cut it especially when the timestamp on your file is after the assignment was due anyway. the final grades can only be changed if i made a mistake when submitting them, and i'm not going to lie for you and say i made a mistake when i didn't, so please stop asking me to don't get me wrong i really want all my students to do well and i try to be understanding of problems but if all you can say is that you really need this and you want me to just give you an extra 15 points from nothing then it's very hard to be sympathetic, if there's anything that's affecting your work during the semester then please please please just let me know BEFORE the final marks are submitted, i can't really do anything after the fact without violating academic ethics

>>334005 omo are you a prof

bruv i think i spent almost +200 bucks on random bullshit this week alone what the fuck i dont want to check at my bank account before i know it im already spending money on something i dont even feel the ‘spark’ with retail therapy whenever i do it i think im compulsive spending again bc my sister asked me to loan her a large sum of money and hasnt paid back yet i feel as if only buy stuff to gain the reassurance that its my own money i feel sick

What the fuck is an ambition and how do I get it? I have literally never felt any drive to do anything

depresso is back but I can't cry anymore. what do feels like my brain disabled personal crying due to trauma sigh

i just send my notice to my supervisor that i'm quiting and i just feel amazed that i lasted two weeks more after i almost quit , i can't believe i needed to use so many shits just to get through my shift i'm sure that if i stayed more i surely would have developed a addiction to xanax, anyways this monday i'm starting a programming bootcamp (and it's going to be free) hopefully i can get a job for it soon.

>>351155 if you are the call center nona im glad to hear you’re quitting

I really dislike being the fat ugly person in any group of people. I don't dislike or am jealous of my friends, they are gorgeous and wonderful. they worked for their physiques and they take care of themselves , but I feel sad at the fact that people usually don't want to take pictures with me. I'm usually the one taking pictures. There is more to life but today after my good friend posted some instagram pictures with a new gal pal of ours she said she received so many messages from her guy friends asking to be introduced. this has never ever happened to me. nobody has ever said even suggested introducing me to their guy friends or a guy they know. Not to mention that most of my friends, both male and female state their dislike of fat and ugly people a lot. Sometimes I really want to remind them that they are also talking about me in those conversations. I thought back on my life a lot today, about how i've never been asked to date anyone. how nobody has ever even asked me on a date. how I typically have always had a small group of friends. how people don't come up and talk to me or take an interest in me. I have to accept that this is my life, and how I will live, but it is painful.

>>355554 you can fix being fat and use makeup/fashion to be attractive up to a point

>>355554 i have no idea what you look like nona so i can't really say if youre fat and ugly but i would be willing to bet money you actually aren't. Start working on your sense of self-worth rather than anything external right now. its much easier to take care of yourself (eat better dress better etc) when you actually believe youre worth it for reasons beyond attracting horny dudes on instagram. and if you can try to find people to hang around who dont make you feel like shit.

>>351286 Yeah, it's me thank you <3

>>355554 >Not to mention that most of my friends, both male and female state their dislike of fat and ugly people a lot. Sometimes I really want to remind them that they are also talking about me in those conversations. nona that is already proof that they (and most other people likely too) don't consider you to be fat and ugly. maybe you're a little chubby, while the people they mock are landwhales.

my relationship with my mom is so toxic and abusive, trying to get away form her feels like trying to run away from a abusive relationship to be able to leave her i probably need to do it without her knowing but i need a plan to take my brother from her, like is stayed with her and now she is still complaining, she always been bad but this days she has show such a horrible side i don't know what i can do to get away from here with my brother without her sending me to jail like she told me, this days has been r/raisedbynarcissists worthy i feel like both of my parents are just trying to see how they can control me and get shit from me, for god's sake i know it's not that common for women to become independent and live on their own (like it's not even alone since it's me and my twin sister) at 24. i wanted to move but we couldn't and i spend the money i was going to use to move away from her into yet another apartment where we all can live together so i need to save again, i feel used and like an idiot, a big clown. at the same time i can't just run away and leave my younger brother with her, i been taking care of him completely since like three years ago, i love him so much he's the only reason i haven't killed myself. the idea of not being able to see him and he suffering at the hands of my grandma (at this point my mom cannot be bothered to take care of him, hell instead we have to take care of her, she cannot even make her own breakfast) or with my mom breaks my heart (which probably implies her sending him to boarding school). i don't know if i have the heart to leave without him, my best bed it's start to collect evidence of my mom being abusive to him and how she is unfit to be his legal tutor and put a lawsuit but i my country it's hard for anyone but the mom to get the custody, he's 12 i don't know if i can stay here another 6 years until he's 18 and we all can leave, or even two years once he's taller and stronger than my mother. shit this thread has become like my second journal, sorry nonas

we didn't quite have a fight, my mom and i but i feel like she's been handling my siblings and i growing up and having our own lives real badly, she's always complaining about feeling lonely and left out. how could i possibly move out?

if i want to lose weight i basically need to lay in bed all day for a week and never interact with anyone or anything. between my job, my attempts at having a social life, my attempts to exercise regularly (small, at-home exercises: see below), and my attempts to maintain a creative identity... this is impossible. i miss the days when not eating gave me energy and made me feel sprightly and positive. nowadays, not eating just makes me a miserable curmudgeon. the only time, in the past, when i lost weight sans anorexia -- in other words, while eating normally -- was when i was also an exercise freak gym bunny. however, i have zero motivation to exercise outside of the gym and no equipment/space to do so. either i need to go full ana again, or start going for long walks in my dangerous neighborhood. both options suck stinky moldy saggy ballsack.

>>411049 they will truly miss you nona. but depression can make you believe things that are not real, that you're worthless. but i can assure you it genuinely isn't true. they wouldnt say stuff like that if they didnt care about you. it'll get better, it always does

>>411049 thats your depression talking moroni get some help and start enjoying life best wishes nona it gets better

well i was talking to my girlfriend. she is not a fan of kpop but i am a massive bts stan. in the early days of our relationship my obsession with them died down a little bit because i was so busy with her but now that the pandemic happened i’ve been getting into them again because my girlfriend and i are now long distance. and life is just boring so it’s a perfect time to get obsessed with them again. i try not to talk about them too much with her because i know she doesn’t really like them or kpop but tonight i think i talked a little too much about them and she was teasing me saying that she’s too smart for me and she should give up studying so she doesn’t get too smart and she can stay on my level. this kind of upset me. i know she was meaning it in a teasing way but i’m also just like .. damn let me live. i’ve never told her that she’s dumb or that i’m smarter than her and it was just upsetting that she was acting like she was some type of intellectual all of a sudden. i kind of just hung up the call and left her alone for about half an hour. then i explained to her why what she said hurt me. she’s apologised but idk .. was i being too sensitive? i guess in the future i just won’t talk about them with her because i guess it’s not interesting to her. and i don’t want to seem dumb around her. i know she said she was only teasing but i can’t help think that maybe she truly thinks that.

>>415650 Yikes.she sounds catty.

>>355554 it's sad that you feel this way but if you truly dislike the way you look, you always have an option to change that. 80% of the "hot" people you see just know how to make themselves look good by choosing the right clothes, hair and makeup (and go to the gym or diet to gain/lose weight). if they stop taking care of their bodies, skin etc they'll also feel like shit about their looks. it's as simple as that for most people, most people are average, both extremely attractive and extremely ugly people are rare. there is no need to feel sorry for yourself because i'm sure you're not even close to being ugly, you just need to find your style and take better care of yourself and your body.

>>415650 you should talk to her about how you feel. if you just let it go, she'll do things like that again thinking that you're okay with it and resentment will build. it's a good time to set boundaries

>>415650 you aren't wrong to be upset. you weren't being oversensitive. there are ways to tell people you don't share their interests without insulting them. the mature thing for her to do would simply be to tell you that she doesn't want to talk about bts, and would rather talk about other things with you. but, she chose to insult your intelligence. it's rude and tacky at best, and creepy at worst. based on your reaction you clearly don't have that sort of play-fighting rapport with her built up. playful insults like that require a cornerstone of respect and mutual understanding. it's good that you addressed it, and that she apologized. i agree with >>417994 now is a good time to set boundaries.

i dont have the energy to focus on anything and most of my time is spent daydreaming in my bed idk my life feels like its falling apart

>>426351 have you went to a doctor. anti depressants might help

>feel like shit >decide to finally stop being emotionally constipated and tell best friend about it >she make me feel like a normal person again huh, social interactions really are the best cure for depression

i just slit my wrists. i feel so much better now. the only bad thing is, i think it looks hard. i keep taking pics of it. i'm never gonna post these pics anywhere, but fuck it looks metal as hell. i need help.

my anxiety and tics are getting worse. i'm starting to forget how to act normal around people and i question and overthink every decision i make even if it's basic. i feel like i'm losing my mind

I hate having an ed. I'm trying to recover but everytime I feel anxious I can't eat. I'm starting my new job next week, I wanted to do my best with food but I'm so anxious I'm not making any progress

godddd im really struggling with my eating disorder. it was sooo easy to restrict when i lived at home with my parents but now i live with my boyfriend and hes always so concerned. i tell him i eat and he doesn't believe me...he makes me food or orders me food and I just want him to stop but then he gets upset and tells me im starving myself which I am but...ugh.

>>469483 go to therapy girl, your bf shouldn't be the only one helping you

>>469483 He shouldn't have to deal with this at all. Taking care of my ana sis is destroying my mom, somebody who willingly becomes family with a person like this a saint. If you love him just a little bit then you should move your ass to therapy asap.

>>470082 I will. I can't lie to him thank u

>>473278 Good!

I've finally come to the point where I'm very happy there is no one to care about me. I tell my best friend everything, but she does not care. Does not respond and does not even read my crisis-induced messages. Yet when she is having problems I must be there ASAP. It was the same with my ex. Same with my mom. Now I'm past the acceptance stage and I'm happy. No one cares if I have an ED, a gambling addiction, or if I can't live without antidepressants. No one can force me to do this or that. I just simply exist and do things at my own convenience.

i hate my mom i fucking hate her today "she tried to kill herself" taking 5 alprazolam after she had a fight with my younger brother (cuz he won't clean up all the house) and once again she tried to hit him but this time now that he's as tall as her so he blocked her so i put some on WhatsApp something like fucking bitch i hate you and then she send a message to me saying that she took poison and that we should come over to pick up my younger brother that she was going to die, so i had to call the ambulance but she was awake and even when up and down in the stairs i knew this was just her attention seeking shit, the ambulance came and she was fucking ok just drowsy like bitch funny that you attempt this after you called the cops on me for trying to kms (i think i wrote about it here, anyways since then me and my sister moved away from her and she just keep trying to fuck over us i feel like i really can't get away from her, seems like the only way out is dying. when the doctor was here she just keep saying my son didn't wanted to do the dishes and clean up the house. i don't think she ever is going to leave me alone why we always have to everything for her, she cannot even make her own breakfast, and you always have to be anticipating if she is hungry other wise she starts to tell and scream or pick fights with people the other day she just called customer service and just started a fight out of nowhere and like why do that instead of eating. she can wake up at 2pm and fight with half of the world and never make her own breakfast, if you don't do something she won't and if she ever does she probably yelled and screamed at everyone and probably already hit my little brother at that point.

>>482488 why dont you leave instead of killing yourself. you have nothing left to lose

>>482550 i assume for her little brother. it’s a difficult situation

>>482552 sometimes you gotta put yourself first

>>482550 we already left (me and my sister) we are living in a different place like 2 hours away but this woman keeps trying to make us go back with her i'm so tired of her manipulative shit >>482552 this too we been trying to leave her since the beginning of the year but i was worried about him

>>482602 you should just cut her off completely. as for your brother is there anyone else who can take him

>>482604 no sadly i was the one taking care of him (like making his food, taking care of him when he's sick, going to school meetings) but maybe if earn enough money i could send him with my grandma the problem here it's that she is also abusive (like today she was blaming him for my mother actions wtf) so idk the other option is a boarding school but i probably need to save a lot of money for that since they are kinda expensive in my country.

fucking hate my coworkers i know you don't have any workload yet because you just got back from vacation today. you literally don't have shit to do yet, stop asking me for back up. don't pretend like you're overwhelmed, you're not. as for the other retard, stop fucking avoiding the harder work. there's only so much longer that they're going to handhold you before you're going to have to take in the more difficult stuff when we're not here

im in some dire need of advice. well i have been dating this guy for about 3 years. he moved to a different country (this can be just for a while). we were in ldr for 2 months and i started feeling unsure though i didnt have any right reason to. i broke it off even though he didnt want us to break up. we tried making things work after 2-3 weeks of our break up. in that time he had gone out with someone there to cope, they had got a bit physical. however i didnt really do such a thing. it was hard for me to get over the fact he was with someone so soon even though it was his way to cope with a serious r/s breaking up. after him apologising wanting us i couldnt take it. and it had put me off so much that i broke up again. i too went out for a while with another guy here. its been 6 months and he still wants to get back and hes been apologising for what he did. technically yes i broke up but i just didnt expect him to be around with someone in like a week or 2. its been hard to get over it. yet the way he wants to give everything now, admits that its his fault, has not gone out with anyone since and wants to make things work even after all that makes me want to consider this. what should i do

>>485249 based women respecters

>>485223 don’t know if you still need it but here are my two cents: if you broke it off like that after two years you probably had a feeling that things were not right for you. ldr is not for everyone and it already strained your relationship, but his reaction to that disapointed you. yes what he did wasn’t wrong per say but if it makes you feel bad you have every right to. don’t force yourself to come back with him if you can’t set that aside, even if he begs you or seems to be regretful. what matters is your feelings and reading your post i think it’s pretty clear you’ve been hurt even though it’s no ones fault. you should think about why you broke up in the first place and how you felt at the time, why do you say there wasn’t any « right » reason? trust your guts and intuition

>>485806 the reason was that we got into an argument. and we couldnt find a middle ground. we kept arguing and neither of us were right/wrong. i got fed up of arguing and i broke it off. it was really stupid of me if i think about it now like he was very adamant on not calling it off yet i forcefully broke it off just because i was tired of arguing

got a near perfect GPA in college until one semester my brain decided on roping. now I'm disqualified to graduate with honors and since I was put on the anti-kys meds I have to live through the shame and regret of having my hard work lead to nothing. I have no idea what I should do or what I want to happen anymore

tw / jonghyun this is probably going to end up long so i'm going to spoiler it all. somehow i can't seem to ever get over jonghyun. i wasn't a big shinee fan, more of a casual listener, but i remember when the news first broke and i was inconsolable. i couldn't stop crying for about a week afterwards and i kept constructing elaborate daydreams where someone managed to intervene and save him before he went up to the apartment. these days i've been listening to a lot of shinee music, as well as the member's solo music, and even the most happy upbeat songs make me tear up. i don't know why this keeps happening. i can be completely fine but then i think about him and my thoughts turn dark. i think in a lot of ways his death was like the first loss of innocence for me. personally the only people i've known who have died had been quite elderly so in my mind i was at peace with them passing even if i miss them. jonghyun was so young, so bright and honestly seemed like such a great guy. it seems so horrible to think about what he must have been going through and what his last moments would have been. i know it must have been so hard for the people who actually knew him. i don't know how they do it. even listening to his upbeat solo songs and ones that are not sad at all, like cocktail lmao, just make me upset. i think this recent bout of grief was triggered by watching squid game because it shows one of the characters trying to commit suicide with coal briquettes. this is long and rambley but i dont know how to accurately convey how i feel. sometimes i even feel angry, that he would make such a decision and leave so many people hurt and upset. but i have no right to feel like this. i didn't even know him. and i know he wouldn't have done it on a whim. im sorry for feeling angry, jonghyun. its been like 3 years? will there ever be a time when i don't feel like this. i just want to listen to some goddamn shinee songs without wanting to cry.

>>489220 weird that you still feel this way for so long, despite not being a fan. is it the shock of suicide? are you depressed yourself? because when i'm in a depressive episode i tend to think of him, though not that intensely. >>490904 you're retarded. i bet you're not even that bad of a person irl. seek professional help roastie, you're worth it

>>490957 i had a feeling. it’s not that i’ve done anything to make me a bad person, my parents just weren’t touchy with me so now it feels like an invasion of privacy. like bugs crawling under my skin. off to therapy i go

>>489220 just wanted to say i feel you on still being upset about it years later. i'm a huge shawol and i still listen to their music, even his solo stuff, and watch their content and enjoy it regularly. but i would be lying if i said that the circumstances of his death didn't fuel my already bad suicidal ideations. at the same time shinee and jjong are some of the only things that make me happy so i can't really let go. i hope you can listen to their music again and smile at some point, take your time, and don't be afraid to reach out.

fuck you sister i'm fucking asking you to go to the fucking bathroom with me because it's 1am and we live with other 7-8 men that i don't really know who they are we been living here 3 three weeks, we are 3 girls in this house and one of them shares room with her boyfriend, i can't believe you think is unreasonable and bad and horrible and you get so fucking mad for it when you woke me up at 4am like one week ago for the same reason, the fucking bathroom where we shower doesn't even have a lock we are fucking women why you can't fucking understand that i don't feel safe like you probably won't be able to listen to me if i scream because our room it's too fucking far away from the bathroom, fuck you bitch like i can't believe you are being such a bitch after this hellish week we had, after you leave me alone with mom after mom tried to "kill herself" and i had to call the ambulance and then you also blamed me for us getting mugged for like two days until i had to show you several videos about the bigass problem mexico has with security like wtf get a grip idiot how it could be unreasonable for me to feel unsafe after my very sense of security was broken in such horrible way. plus i told you that yesterday when i was showering in the morning while the other dudes where still partying someone tried to open the bathroom two times i hope by accident and yet you cannot fucking understand why i'm asking you to come downstairs to check nothing happens while i got to the bathroom like fucking hell we live in fucking mexico idiot, you know that i was molested by our uncle, in the fucking internado by older girl and in the kindergarten by an older classmate, yeah why i would be asking you anything every fucking time i ask anyone for help it's always the same fucking shit you weren't even sleeping you were literally drawing fuck you and then you got so mad even when you went to pee too and yeah stupid dumb idiot getting raped it's a very fucking real possibility in this fucking shithole county because we are women you selfish cunt who is unable to reciprocate the favor because when you woke me up at 4 am i was sleeping and yet i was able to understand that maybe it's not really safe for you to go alone

i feel fat but can't change my weight for a number of reasons. i hate my little tummy and my roundness so much. i hate my big tits. i even self-harm my tits and thighs bc i don't want anyone to see them. i am deeply ashamed of my body and have to cut myself after sex bc of it.

coming to terms with the fact that i am actually incredibly mentally ill and have been for my entire life. i just want to lay down and die. i've been in treatment but i don't think it's helping. i know other people look at me and think i'm not trying at all but i am. it's getting harder, not better. i don't even want to be given a reason to live anymore, i just wish i could give my comfortable life to someone else who actually wants to live it. can't talk to anyone about this, i try to talk to my best friend but i chicken out because i know no matter what they say it's just going to hurt me, it's not fair to dump this on them when they have their own problems. there's no right response so there's no point telling anyone. i feel like i can't tell my therapist either because i can't afford to get locked up in the psych ward and i also don't want to get put on any harder medications. my family is trying to be supportive but i can tell they think that i don't need medication/therapy, i just need to suck it up but that's what i've been doing for my whole life and i'm at the point of collapse. my family worries for me so much, they know i can't function on my own and it's so embarrassing and sad. i just wish i could tell them not to worry about my future because i don't have one. i don't want to make my mother to have to bury another child so i'm just waiting until she passes, i have my plan set and everything. but that won't be for at least another decade or two. until then i'm just trying to make life bearable and i just don't know how. sage because this is so dumb and i just need to get it out anonymously kek

>>505560 aaaand my spoiler failed fuck KEK

I don't know if I am in love with or hate autismo aka V one time i m deeply in love, other time I hate him to death.

i'm starting to dislike my roommate. we met each other in the fb group of our university class year, and she was looking for a new roommate. we have similar interests, she's clean, and is really nice. but the problem is her relationships with men and her friends. she told me she had a bf and i was totally okay with that, but then once we were living in the dorm together for a few weeks, she dropped the bomb that he's in his mid 40's and that she's also in a "poly" relationship with another man. i was a little uncomfortable, especially since she started just dumping all of her sexual escapades and the fact that she was in a BDSM-DDLG type of relationship with him- and the fact that he's also married and seems to have a strained relationship with his wife and often argues on the phone with him. the latest fight she had was past 9pm and was quite literally screaming over the fact that her bf said that he said the word sugar daddy was his "trigger word" and was upset with her. she also asked me about letting him come to the dorm (our dorm is an women's-only dorm and men have to escorted in and out) and i just told her that id like her to tell me advance if he's coming so i could leave because i don't want to meet someone old enough to be my uncle. she's more outgoing and i'm more reclusive , and whenever i told her she doesn't have to go into detail or tell me about the latest fight she's had, she keeps telling me that that she keeps forgetting that i'm "innocent"- (i'm really not, no one wants to hear about how much you enjoy you bf degrading you during sex.) and then stops. her friend group is horrible, and i really don't want to get to know them and i feel kind of bad about it but they consist of people that have as much problems as she does. she wanted me to go to a halloween festival with her, but i decided against it because i don't feel comfortable going anywhere with her boyfriend or her friends + the fact that i don't have any family in this area nor am i not comfortable going out late with people i don't know. i just really don't know what to do because she's extremely sensitive and she's going to think that i hate her if i keep turning down every invitation offers to go somewhere. i don't know how to deal if she ends up having a full on breakdown or panic attack again.. she had a falling out with her previous roommate and i can obviously see why

>>524918 what the fuck that's one hell of a ride of a story she sounds completely mental and anyone who's not a deranged degenerate would be repulsed by her lifestyle also the fact that she actually calls that old piece of trash her "boyfriend" (doube he feels the same about her) kek like do some people really have zero respect for themselves

>>524918 dont feel bad about setting boundaries nona, its vital especially when you have to live with someone. you have every right not to want to hear about her and the gross dude who groomed her’s sex life. you don’t have to be her friend to be her roommate and she sounds like she has enough issues that you’d be better steering clear of that shitshow. it sounds intensely dysfunctional. just focus on doing well in school and getting your degree.

>>476925 Just an update. I have a distant guy friend who literally turns me into his digital diary, messaging me everything going on in his life and expecting me to be responsive and care. I already told him that I'm not interested and I'm trying to cope with so many other things in life and I prefer to do it alone. But he won't listen and won't give me space and privacy. I wonder what it is about me that people think they can use me and, at the same time, not care about me or what I want. I just want to heal alone.

>>476925 what a doomer post. get help girl

>>526126 >I wonder what it is about me that people think they can use me and, at the same time, not care about me or what I want. i've never related to something more

>>526188 what it is is that you don't value yourself and you wear that on your sleeve. people who want to use you notice it straight away. care about yourself and how people treat you, don't settle for scraps. also, don't expect someone to notice that you're having a hard time. you have to reach out to people yourself

>>526196 i've had better luck with romantic relationships but when it comes to friendships, a lot of my friends rely on me as sort of a free therapist but don't bother to listen or offer even some half-assed advice when i'm having trouble. i've learned my lesson and don't bother with most people's bullshit anymore, but it's still frustrating when i look back on past friendships and realize that i was putting actual effort while the other person didn't really care all that much. such stuff leaves you wondering if there's something's wrong with you and whether you are the problem. thankfully i have people who actually care about me as a person by my side now

>>526126 just block him if he wont stop using you as a feelings dump even after youve asked

>>482488 dios mio. i'm so fucking sorry. would it be possible for your little brother to come live with you and your sister? and go no-contact with your mom? she seems very mentally ill, she sounds like she needs to be in a ward.

>>488488 why does it matter so much that you graduate with or without honors?

Being into idols is really unhealthy to me, because I get obsessed and competitive. All I can think about is my favorite all the time and daydreaming about him/her. I follow other fans and I spend the entire time thinking about how I can one-up them, even though I feel inferior to them. But while I know it's unhealthy, it also makes me so happy, and it's all I have... So I feel like I don't know what to do. Sorry for this post...

its so annoying and irrational but i feel like i can’t start living my life until i reach my goal weight. i keep avoiding social events at uni because im too ashamed of my body

>>531701 nona you'll look back at this time and wonder why you didn't get out more. plus, getting out and socializing helps with weight loss.

i'm in one of the richest places in my city to pickup flyers for my new job/gig and it makes me seeth so much watching all this white privileged people next to the construction workers who are probably being paid minimum wage of my third world country and this people if they aren't foreigners are just residual shit from colonialism, my clothes are shit because i live in a bad place where you get mugged if you wear something nice and the fucking stares damm, the only good thing is that it feels somehow safe thanks to being next to all this luxury brands

talking with normies is so tiring >girlie is 22, has been with her bf since over 7 years >all others in my class also marry before 25 >getting mad at the possibility of still having to live on their own and not being able to start a family when they're "already" 25 - or even older!!! mind you, the average age for marriage and kids in my country is nearly as high as in korea, it's just that i happen to be surrounded by these typical good girls/perfect daughters, who probably loved horses as kids, who always do their very best in school despite everybody knowing that they'll gonna be overeager sahms anyway i know it's my own fault for studying a "female" job but nevertheless...wew especially talking as if this life is oh so horrible, knowing fully well that i'm single and therefore unlikely to be able to get married before my very late 20s

>>579480 i feel you nona. do you want to marry yourself?

>>579506 wait i worded this terribly kek i meant do you want to get married or are you happy being single

>>579507 i don't give af about marriage. i'm depressed in general, no idea whether having a bf would actually make me happier. i just hate young girls talking as if we're old, as if my life is wrong.

>>579540 no offense but you seem like you project your own insecurities and what you consider failures onto them. if they have this kind of mindset where only a man and kids could make their life valuable it’s probably because of their upbringing and social pressure and if you think about it it’s pretty miserable. if you don’t have anything in common with them just don’t bother

sometimes i feel old too and i don't know why. it makes me feel like shit. i'm just in my early twenties but i feel like i've already gone through every possibly exciting milestone in my life. graduating college, making it into the program i wanted, getting my driver's license... all that's left for me is finishing my studies. maybe buying a house too, but that sounds more stressful than exciting. i don't think i will ever have fun.

>>579567 i spend at least 2 days per week with them and we usually get along very well, that just annoyed me >because of their upbringing and social pressure as far as i know about their families, we were brought up similarly, they just succeeded at living that sort of ideal standard life >if you think about it it’s pretty miserable. they seem very happy

>>579567 sorry if i had quick assumptions whatever it is don’t compare yourself to those girls. you clearly don’t have the same goals in life nor the same pace but that’s not a failure on your side, you’re just doing it your way. they may seem happy and like they’re gonna live the ideal standard life but from what i saw young girls who seek fulfillment from marriage and kids get disappointed fairly quickly. the workload of a sahm is no joke and spending your 20s taking care of a scrote and kids doesn’t sound like a dream to me. take care of yourself, focus on yourself and live your life. the grass is always greener.. you know the drill

[spoiler]i binged on a bunch of food the 2nd day in a row. i was finally a pound away from my 2nd weight goal and i got stressed out and binge ate and gained 1.8 pounds. i got stressed out again today and binge ate. now ill probably be back where ive started to the weight i've plateaued on since august. i've been struggling since aug to get to my 2nd weight goal bc i was stressed out by a few things that happened + natural disasters. i also decided to start recovering from BED but i still get stressed out and binge despite the fact that i don't restrict my food anymore. i wish i didn't have anxiety so badly that something as small as my roommate bringing over people unannounced triggered me into shoving any nearby food into my mouth. it's even worse that i have my own money to buy things. i try to eat healthy meals and eat things in moderation but it's like i lose all sense of that once i go to the market and start buying trash and then immediately regret what i did. i feel bad that i spend money on food, eat it, feel like shit after and take the rest that's left end up throwing it away so I don't binge on it later. my family sent me snacks from home and ate some and then decided to put it the shared kitchen of our dorm so someone else could take it. i felt really bad about it and having an eating disorder just sucks. i tried talking to our uni's counseling health center but i accidentally mentioned that i wanted to commit suicide in august and they focused on that more even though i really wanted help for my binge eating and said they couldn't diagnose me with anything since i need to go to an actual therapist. uni isn't going well for me either and i want to drop out and get a job but my family is advising against it so ill stay in uni for now.. i'll figure things out with my eating problems when the winter break comes. this year has just been a lot for me but i just wanted to let that out[/spoiler]

nonas, you don't have to spoiler on a vent thread.

im objectively good at art. great even. i love watching how faces of people change when they catch me sketching or when i show them finished digital pieces. seeing people with elementary school level of art who have thousands of followers fills me with so much fucking hate. they can barely draw a straight line and get thousands of likes/views meanwhile my fully rendered art struggles to even get 10 likes. my all time record was when i finally caved in, drew a shipart and only got 700likes, i fucking hate social media

>>610479 i'm sorry nona you sound insufferable. but daebak on the drawing skills, that's impressive

i'm not happy in my uni. if only we had the financial capacity i would have chosen the uni i wanted. to be fair i was offered a scholarship but it doesn't cover everything so i had to pass. it just makes me feel sad whenever i have to bring up that i go to _ or whenever i remember that i'm going to have to say that i graduated from _ my whole life. the academics aren't bad but i don't feel like i belong here. it's the only thing that has made me want to rope these past 2 years.

seriously think I'm going to fail out of university. my anxiety is so bad I can't take it.

hugs to you both nonas >>614418 remember that what you do with your degree and how you are in the workfield matters, not where your degree is from nona - if it's really an issue, see if there's any way transferring into your dream uni with the current credits you have >>614457 either take a break or take less classes there's always easier alternatives to handle uni you can also consider transferring to a different major or even trades

>>614460 failing nona, im taking 4 courses next semester so hopefully it will be better.

>>614462 4 will definitely be more manageable but if not don't be scared to drop another

>>614463 thanks unnie <3

>>614457 have you gone to a doctor or university counselor? it's quite serious when you think you will fail out of uni. most universities will actually do whatever they can to keep you in and help you pass your subjects, try to not worry about "falling behind" and just take your time nona

Feeling sad that I am not having fun posting here anymore. I still enjoy nctg but other than that, I don't know, it isn't fun. The answer is to 'take a break', I know but, I don't even visit as often as I used to and I used to be on here like 24/7 back when it was made. More like, I'm not into the current vibes, if that makes sense. I guess there's nothing bad about this feeling and whether it persists or not but I had to get it out anyways. Hope all nonas enjoy this cold season upon us. /rant over

i always feel sleepy and lightheaded no matter how many hours i sleep, what the fuckkkk

>>617926 malnutrition probably

>>617926 you might have anemia

just got my bulimia cheeks pointed out in casual conversation and i feel like fucking crying. yes they are ugly. i can't do anything about them. why do people think this kind of thing is ok to point out?

>>637375 wtf... who did that? it's definitely not ok.. i hope you will feel better soon nona

i'm sure i have ibs or some problem with my intestinal tract or whatever but it's honestly been this serious before.. i would get pains but they would go away the next day. i always struggled with constipation despite hydrating myself, always a 1 on the bristol chart, even when i changed my diet and started eating more vegetables with every meal. when i made regular bowel movements, they were still a 1 on the bristol chart. i got laxatives prescribed in the past but they didn't work. everytime i eat now, my stomach begins to hurt. it doesn't even feel like cramps but just straight up pain. i just feel incredibly annoyed that now that i've finally started to lose weight in a healthy way after struggling with an ED i now have something else that's wrong with me that's also related to food

i fucking hate myself reeeee

i had an online "friend' who i regularly video chatted with since summer. last wednesday i sent him a message "hi what's up", he still hasn't replied and has been ignoring me since. i feel like shit.

>>646521 these days its hard to stay connected or be reliable on the friends we have irl. hope you havent got too attached to him

i've tried multiple different shampoos and treatments and my scalp is always dry itchy and bumpy and because i itch it my roots get greasy fast i'm tired of this grandpa

>>665518 might not be the case, but sometimes chronically irritated scalp skin can point to a vitamin/mineral deficiency or a hormone issue. might be worth getting a blood test if thats possible. my own scalp starts to feel a little itchy and irritated if i slip up and eat junk food or desserts for a day instead of proper meals because my body feels more inflamed in general. if you itch your scalp try to only use the pads of your fingers at least so that your nails wont damage the hair follicles

>>662808 he replied like a few hours after i posted this kek but yeah the attachment is not healthy

>>665651 hmm that could be it ive gotten blood tests before and im normal in pretty much everything. autoimmune diseases, psoriasis, and eczema run in my family but i also eat junk food a lot which probably makes the existing problem worse kek thanks for the advice

depressive episodes anxiety episodes

hate my narcissistic mom and hate myself even more for failing to be away from her. wish i was not such an emotional fool who would go back to her after getting emotionally manipulated by her everyday. sometimes i want to kill myself too bad i am such a pussy to really do it. god if you are there kill me already. i have no aspiration or any will to live any longer. it will be better if we have one less waste of space to populate this world

i can't deal with aging nonitas... last friday a coworker asked me how old i am and i felt downright sick. and when i told him he was oddly silent. he probably thought i was barely an adult but no, i'm just a retarded hag who took extra time in uni and who doesn't know how to dress and act like a normie. he also always asks me for my weekend/holiday plans and is always in total disbelief that i never have anything planned. he's kind of the nicest at work and i very likely seem more and more weird to him, i'm also too anxious to lie convincingly.....i'm failing so hard at everything

i got emotional looking through old family photos today because i cant recognize myself in them, i barely remember my childhood apart from traumatizing memories, i know its me but i cant comprehend it. ive been suicidal since a young age and seeing pictures from my teenager years at the height of my depression feels abnormal. im in my mid 20s and i still feel like the kid in those photos, as if i havent developed mentally and only grew in age. i have a hard time accepting my current age because i didnt think i would live to see past 18. im not sure where i was going with this, but i didnt have anywhere else to share, i just dont feel like an actual living person

when i started taking antidepressants something switched in my brain and i stopped feeling anything intensely. i talked to my psychiatrist about it; about a week after taking meds i said i've started to lose passion for all my interests and i couldn't orgasm and i couldn't laugh and i couldn't cry. he said the numb feeling was a sign that the meds were working, and that i'll get used to it eventually. i went along with it because i was desperate to the point that i'd exchange all the pleasures i could feel if it meant i stopped wanting to cry and die every hour of every day. well it's been almost a year of taking my meds and i've stopped caring about anything at all. my life is falling apart but i really do not care. i have no friends or partner but i do not care. my apathy grew even more when i walked in a busy street today and realized that i was a little person in this big city and world and nothing that happens to me matters at all. it's bittersweet but i think i'm in my best condition when i'm on meds so i wouldn't have it any other way. when i start to forget how good i have it, i stop taking my meds for a day and i immediately break down and the uncontrollable urge to self-harm and kms all comes rushing back until i swallow a pill again. i don't really aim to be happy anymore. i'm okay just being okay.

>>684021 what meds do you take that they are out of your system just after one day? usually the effects of them would last still for at least a week. you sure this hasn't developed into a bad placebo effect?

what is the point of love? it's just an elaborate scheme to get you to desire reproduction. sure, the butterflies, the flirting, and the good times are all fun but in the end you either get married and have kids or experience soul-crushing heartbreak and disappointment. getting married and having kids does not save you from the latter, too. if you don't want kids it's not worth it and there is no point in falling in love.

>>691654 not everyone who falls in love marries or has kids. there are plenty of heterosexual couples who grow old together without either of those things. what's more, do you think gay couples who can't marry or have kids don't love each other? in any case, there are ways for love to "end" without it being painful. couples can break up amicably, no hard feelings.

i think i might have ADHD. everything that i suffer with, the things are also consistently ruining my life all happen to correlate with ADHD. i'm too scared to get a diagnosis because i might disappoint my parents. also because it would shatter my chances of joining the military. i honestly don't want to join but i refuse to become a NEET. i want to get a job, everyone is hiring right so that's even better and would provide experience for the job i want but my parents somehow think i'm going to be kidnapped or sexually assaulted by a scrote despite most of the places being close to home, and instead want me to join the military. it doesn't make any fucking sense but i'm not really in the situation to complain. i really want to be independent and not become a recluse. even if i don't have ADHD one of my younger siblings is already on the spectrum + a NEET and it would break my family, they're only really accepting of it since they're getting money from him. i was supposed to be successful and help everyone. i feel really bad that i wasn't able to meet their expectations. my mom was even okay with me changing my major despite her wanting me to be a doctor. i tried so hard to do that because it would make her proud, have the funds to buy her a house and have something for her to brag about to family.. but now i'm dropping out so i know her and the rest of my family are disappointed in me. i don't want to pity myself so i'm really relying on the military right now but i'm terrified my embarrassing medical problems will put me in medhold and they'll say i can't join. i'm just just hoping that my parents will see that i can be independent and will let me get a job

>>485223 >>485806 >>487629 nonas i broke it off officially. it drained me so much for so long. he wanted to get back and i kept feeling like its neither of our fault so we should get back but then i couldnt let go of what he did. my friends also kept saying “if he really respected the relationship he wouldnt have started going out with someone else just few days after you broke off a 3 year relationship” and it made sense. he never accepted it though and kept saying he loves me. but i also found a text which he sent our friend that he wouldnt have gotten back with me if i had not texted him later. yet he kept saying he didnt realise how much he loved me after he made that mistake and has stayed single for 8 months now. this makes me want to try very hard to forgive him but also feels like im forcing it just because hes trying to stay single for long and prove his love. its just frustrating at this point and i don’t really know what to do

>>695419 i cant really tell you whats right for you but i hope you figure it out yourself eventually. but one thing is for sure : you need not prove yourself to anyone. please dont let your parents expectations ruin your future and what you want to do. its your life and it might seem like you have all hard choices but most of the time the right decisions are the hardest to make. with that take some time off, maybe grab a notebook. write down the pros and cons of any decision you take and how you feel about it. take it slow and i guess in the process of this you might figure out what is it you really want. may it be wanting to get treated, military, independent job, parents expectations, your happiness etc.

growong up poor shapes you differently, it's hard to break the cycle but I'm omw

>>700035 im sorry to hear that anon i hope thingsnget better for you. currently i have one the best exit ways at my disposal and the only thing stopping me is my family. I know it would be too much for my mother and my sister to take rn to the point I think one of them could die from it. I know that's not the best reason to keep ourselves alive but it's still something to think about... we would be going but leaving a path of destruction...

>>700050 i know exactly what you mean. sometimes it's hard not being bitter

>>700050 im not poor nor rich and it kinda sucks being in between because you tend not to be happy with anything. i cant convince myself im just born unfortunate and stay in my lane neither can i spend on things i like because im not rich enough

>>700054 nta but i understand you nona. one of the things that really snapped me out of it was when a 4chan anon shared that his family was paralyzed by depression after his sister killed herself. his parents stopped being able to work and now his family is broke and in debt and they might have to sell their house soon. i'm not close with my parents but it's possible for them to react that way and it's just unfair to give them crippling depression or at least make them grieve when they tried their best to keep me alive for two decades. not killing yourself is so so so difficult but putting the act on hold for my parents is the least i can do for them...

recently uncovered my 5yr old suicide note and other writings of my mental state back in mid 2010s, i think it’s crazy how i haven’t changed alot i still deal with the same problems as before. today i had another mental break of wanting to kill myself and thinking of ways to do so. time isn’t real

>>711176 do you get help? like going to a therapist?

I hate living with my mentally ill family. Not saying I don't have problems myself but at least I haven't ruined most holidays because my mental illness acted up, unlike some people who keep ruining days and then you have to come to them and calm them so they don't fucking kill themselves or do something drastic. She's locked in her room beating herself over something miniscule, she did that yesterday too and I am just so fucking tired. It was a stupid argument between the two of them, it's not a big deal but here she is screaming at the top of her fucking lungs in her room. I can't leave them, I know one of them would rope. I just want peace. And yes, one of them have tried getting help but she hasn't heard back yet from the psychs she called.

>>716732 you're not responsible for their lives nona. if they rope it's because they have issues and would have roped anyway whether you were there or not. you need to think about your own life and just helping yourself. you can't help them, you can only support them while they get help themselves

>>701454 yeah I have seen many cases like that one. A "normal" death is devastating enough but suicide just make everyone alive feel guilty or would even given them ideas. My mother has struggled with a lot all her life I would like for her to be happy in her senior years or at least be given some rest... at least until she's alive I'm not doing it... I hope this keeps me getting to a really dark place mentally at least.

>>716733 Them fucking dying would kill me in the process, I love both of them a lot. They're my family. It's just so hard, first it was only my mom who I had to be careful about but now it's my sister too, she's a ticking timebomb who screams and shouts and hits herself and cries every other day and I don't know how long I can hold my composture. I cried a little today in front of her while saying some stupid shit. I mostly keep to myself but that's becoming a problem as well. I'm the youngest here ffs, I have no idea how to navigate this. How can I deal with my mom and sister slapping themselves, attemping to pour boiling water on themselves over the stupidest fucking shit. I want them to be happy. They're the only people I have. Lol... sorry for dumping this on you nona, replying to you was just an excuse to vent some more. Take care!

>>716744 you're stronger than you think nona. good luck

>>716728 no i don’t get any sort of help and i’m unmediated. i’m honestly surprised i lived to the age i am now, i tried to ignore my feelings by focusing on different forms of entertainment and keeping it internalized. i refuse to talk about my problems with anyone because i hate the feeling of vulnerability more than anything. i’m basically winging through life rn without any goals and waiting for something to kill me because i’m too much of a coward to do the deed myself

gifmakers who alienate those who sexualize and/or write reader fics are retarded and i resent them reee

>>725736 sexualize idols*

>>716765 >i refuse to talk about my problems with anyone because i hate the feeling of vulnerability more than anything same

i said i liked a guy and he rejected me not to mention he even told me how to come out of that pain bitch

>>730843 what a bitch but as the saying goes what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

>>725749 I hate when people try to play angel and tell others bc they 'want to help' like bitch, no, that's the last thing I wanted

>>730843 he sounds narc advicing you how to get over him, maybe you dodged a bullet nonnie

i'm so tired of living. the apathy has taken over me. i don't have a reason to get off my bed other than work, nothing excites me. it feels like my best years have gone by and my life has already peaked. i dont want to have kids and i dont even know if i want to date again. everything is just so burdensome and tiresome. i don't even know if changing my medication would help, it's not like i've been copiously crying and i'm still somewhat functional because i work and take care of myself. therapy hasn't been helping either nothing my therapist said has given me another insight or reignited my will to move and "live life". i really miss myself before depression and looking forward to do things and being excited about the future...

depreression makes me dumber

>>733641 >>733715 not to mention he still wants me to continue talking to him as a friend how am i supposed to do it so easily? and the reason for rejecting is you follow bts

>>733716 nona i think you should go for some adventure sports they will make you thrive more

>>733723 if anything he should give you space he sounds like a moroni >reason for rejecting is you follow bts i take it back he's a retardo is he into kpop or a normie?

kinda stupid but i had a really disturbing dream about my favorite idol and when i searched what could it mean the site said it means i have severe issues in how i see people and basically called me insane and i feel horrid. i normally don't believe in dream interpretation but this time it actually really rung true so it just makes me hate myself i wish i was normal

>>736475 we've all had insane weird dreams nona don't dwell in it (assuming it isn't a reoccurring dream)

>>733716 help out in some charity/ give back to the poor and less fortune. i have heard it helped many with depression

>>734937 he's a normie anon he says he has an image of kpop idols in his mind and his friends have a made a pact not to date anyone who is into kpop

>>736475 i got a really weird dream which was supposed to be of my past life it was horrible and i wished i could know more about it

>>736760 this sounds very high school like ngl either way i'd drop his existence

>>736760 that's gay

I fucking failed a class for the first time ever in college and I'm feeling ropey af crap I'm bawling, I don't want this to happen again ever how do I become better at college? and develop and keep better habits in my academic life? if this happens again I'm afraid I could relapse on self harm or smth, it's taking all in me not to do it rn because I don't want it to get worse

>>737042 i've failed 3 classes and it's fine. there are a few things you should do. determine why you failed and how you could REALISTICALLY avoid that in the future. you may need to reduce your study load so that you're taking less classes. and if you're not already go to a counselor/doctor/psychologist because your mental illness is clearly dragging you down. plus if you have a doctor/counselor who knows you well they can potentially help you get support from university so that you're able to get extensions etc from your professors more easily. at the end of the day college is a fraction of your life and you can still be successful even if your grades aren't very good. but you absolutely need to fix your attitude about life and gain some perspective (not judging you btw, i also had a narrow worldview where one bad semester at college made me feel like my life was falling apart)

i wish i wasn't so anxious when it comes to friendships. everytime my only friend doesnt answer my messages for a few days, i think they got sick of me and that our friendship is over. i am so scared of ending up alone. ironically enough i also wouldn't blame them for abandoning me if it came to that, because i am so fucking pathetic

>>743028 nona that happens with me as well i suggest you to distract yourself with other things or date someone

just threw up involuntarily since recovering from bulimia a year ago. i feel like fucking garbage i can't believe i willingly did this to myself for so long

i love taemin but i just feel too desensitized for this coming home to an empty home is normal for majority of (young) adults in modern societies. except most don't have a house worth million. and we know that we likely have to slave away at the same shitty job just to survive for the rest of our entire lifes. he seems to have a nice circle of friends, a very good relationship with his family, he gets along with his coworkers and on top of that has a shitton of money and fans + juniors who admire and praise him. that's more than normies could ever even dream of. the very reason singers, actors, celebs, artists, whatever have existed since forever is to distract us "peasants" from how empty life is, not to relate or even pity them.

>>771285 yeah kinda related but it’s like when someone says “money can’t buy you happiness” sure but i’d rather be rich and depressed than poor and depressed.

>>766461 hugs

i get this overwhelming state of paranoia randomly, i overthink and assume someone unknown entity is out to get me or worse that my family knows my inner most secrets. it’s hard to confide in others when i don’t want them do know i exist

>>771889 take the privacypill, nona. tape your cameras, don't use/enable any webcams or audio recording devices unless needed, use content + ad + javascript blockers etc etc

i feel bad nonas. like i'm being too rude to others, like i'm immature. yesterday i went out with my family and during my appointment one of the ladies started talking about my relative who was also having an appointment right across the hall from us right infront of me thinking i wouldn't hear it. the last time we went here the person i had was really rude to me and made me feel uncomfortable and. at that sane time there was a staff who talked about my relative in front of her to another staff and then pretended to hide when she noticed that she could actually hear and see her. so when i went to the front in the waiting room i complained to my brother how rude the lady was and how she talked about said relative right in front of me. i really wasn't loud but it was quiet so obviously everyone heard. then when we to the store my relative was waiting in line to buy a plate and she left to grab something and told me to watch her stuff so i put my hand physically on her purse, since i was holding her spot in line and couldn't turn to look at her belongings the entire time. the guys behind us in line didn't seem to like that very much as when we left i could hear them mumbling a bit. i felt like i was rude but people really love to swipe shit here. i just felt like i was kind of rude yesterday and i couldn't stop thinking about it, despite having good reasoning for what i did. i feel like i'm still so immature still despite being in my 20's now because i was whining while i was complaining

>>771943 tl;dr

>>771943 happy for you/sorry that happened

>>772020 oh sorry for being snappy kek i thought you posted this in dst

>>771943 i don't think you were rude, or even annoying. if you were creating a ruckus or something, maybe then but as it stands, it's honestly not bad. you'll probably forget about it after ruminating over it for a bit. it's ok. it wasn't that bad girl, but i understand kinda just turning the event over and over in your mind while the other parties barely even remember. >>772016 dude

tired of pooping, but nobody can help me. all the love and compassion in the world means nothing. i am tired.of.pooping. it stinks, it's laborious and boring, also disgusting. we put men on the moon and still, after all our progress, we still squeeze out brown logs. what a curse.

>>778683 i like pooping. so relaxing.

>>778683 your poop shouldn't take that long or much effort to come out. you need more fibre

i just want to poop all my poop at one time and not feel my inflamed asshole all the way to my intestines by my ovaries. why why WHY won't you come out at the same time? it feels like i took one of those dragon dildos and a maniac was doing the thrusting up my ass. i write this on the toilet. know it's where i will be in a few hours. again

>>778683 someone else feels my pain. does your asshole, rectum and stomach hurt too

I finally started living normally and went to uni after two years of isolating myself bc of depression but and even though I enjoy the classes and revived my social life I still feel the same emptiness and sorrow I've made a few casual friends and one who I'm a bit closer with but I still feel lonely This is objectively the best my life has ever been in every aspect but it feels like it just weighs me down and I'm scared I will feel like this forever because no matter how much work I put into myself it just comes full circle and I get suicidal

>>781103 anti depressants?

>>781103 hugs nona it does get better

i always managed to ruin any possible friendship. a couple months ago i started training for a job and so far it went pretty well socially. then last week i had an exam, did badly and couldn't keep myself from crying in front of everybody. now all others avoid me. the girl i usually drove with is also driving with others now. i'm once again completely alone, feels like i'm a kid again. am i doomed to be an outcast loser for my entire life?

for some reason i always feel like there's boogers in my nose even if i pick it still does and i hate it

ive already felt for some time that me and my bestfriend are slowly drifting apart. but we are both busy people so i decided to be more understanding and to try to reach out more first. yesterday she forgot about my birthday so i guess this is the end...

made the mistake of taking a butt naked video of myself, just to see what was goin' on. my boobs are so fucking huge they look so fucking ridiculous oh my god... just... god. i want to get a reduction so bad and this just solidified my stance, i would look so much better with a well-proportioned chest rather than this... mess. i looked so ridiculous... they look so bad and ugly, in a few years theyll be reaching my knees. im never doing that again kek, what a blow to my self-esteem.

>>806027 talk to your doctor sis they're usually happy to offer a reduction.

>>806030 since it isnt medically needed for me, itll be considered a cosmetic surgery and ill be paying out of my pocket, im too broke for that currently but inshallah... one day...

>>806097 can you just say it's causing you back pain?

>>806097 you can just lie and say it's causing you back pain. they don't check whether or not you do actually have pain kek

i have a permanent retainer in my botton row of teeth and a bracket broke causing a small piece of the wire to get loose and poked my tongue and now i have a painful cut on the tip of my tongue. i made an appointment with an orthodontist to have it removed but its not until next monday. also, for some idiotic reason i havent worn my top row retainer since the pandemic started and i havent gone to the dentist in over 2 years so im scared that they're going to say my teeth are disgusting

>>806729 that dentist has seen rotten teeth with plaque caked over like rocks. this will be nothing for them

i feel so empty, at least i don't feel like i want to rope this time. i feel a twinge of regret about dropping out. i obviously have a undiagnosed learning disability but i feel so angry at myself for being so dumb. i tried so hard my whole life and it's as if my brain can't contain any math related information. why couldn't i have a normal brain. why did my race and me being a woman have to be the reason why i had to suffer and fall through the cracks while my male sibling could be just fine, and get all the help he needed in school. i was failing my math related classes at uni and i couldn't bring myself to tell my family. no use in me going to tutoring since i've done it in the past would embarrass myself because i am genuinely stupid. i wanted to rope everyday when i was at uni because of this and eventually just started skipping all of my classes and laid in bed all day. i was going to my first class and i ran into my english professor who said hello to me but she said it like she wanted me to come back to class, she sounded kind of angry. i felt so horrible because she believed in me and cheered me on the most and even gifted me a present because it was related to what i wrote about in my essay i can't even talk to my parents about how i'm feeling, they think i dropped out because of my horrible roommate even though i kept trying to tell them the truth so i'm constantly criticized and it hurts a lot even though i tell myself the same things everyday. i didn't even show them my grades. fuck everything would become worse if i did, i never got the best grades in math. on top of it, i can tell my mom wants me to leave the house. why am i so retarded..? probably just going to go ahead with joining the military even though i'll probably end up roping because of it, my mom's so pissed. it feels even worse knowing my birthday is coming soon and all she can talk about is how disappointing i am

My cousin (and almost my best friend) can't remember how my name is spelled even tho you can see next to my name in the group chat where she wrote, or our uncountable social media interactions or even when she uses me as a work reference. i see her almost every week we smoke pot and drink with her friends, go with our grandparents together because they give us anxiety, i have told her my traumas, problems, mental health issues so many things, hell she even told me that if something happens to her i can take care of her cat that "she loves so much". i feel betrayed and hurt, it's been like 2-3 weeks that i been feeling the vibes off with the 6 of us and i knew me and my sister would be as close to them because my sister doesn't do drugs harder than weed, and 4 of they are living the euphoria/skins lifestyle (even tho all of us are in our twenties) but dammm my cousin has been such big influence in my life since we were kids and i really feel like she doesn't give a fuck about me. another fuking person that turns out wasn't as close to me as i though

tw self harm, don't open if trying to stay clean call me immature but i wish i hid my scars better years before so my blades wouldn't be constantly confiscated and i could continue to self-harm. i've tried the kitchen knives but the edges of the blades are too thick. i've tried the shaving razors but they cut in parallel lines and peel off the skin. i miss my razor blades. my therapist says i should channel my frustrations into art or something but i'm too crippled to translate it to art. i don't even understand it myself. i'm not like my husbando who can vent through a medium and have an audience sympathize with him. i just want to punish myself, replace my inner pain with something physical so i'd have something different to worry about. so far i just starve myself on weeks on end and give myself bruises. i don't like it when i'm forced to repress. i yell at people and become cruel. i just want to punish myself even if it looks unhealthy. i might break some glassware to get shards or something i dunno i can't really hold it in for much longer.

>>819897 i been trying (with mixed results) painting my skin with pincel and chinese ink (tinta china) i just look up on pinterest sigils or cool tattoos and try to recreate them on my skin

me and my sister we need to find a place, there's this option a place with two bedrooms, private bathroom with warm water, living room but the price is higher than where we are rn and we where having trouble making it (because we both were practically neets and were living from loans but sis got a job like 2 weeks ago and the pay is low but is not a dead end job it has to do with her degree), we don't have any furniture and the that apartment has a fridge (the owner say that we could keep it and it was practically ours) the rent price is 4000 of my country currency. we could keep trying to look for places that are cheaper because the other one would definitely need me bring at least our country minimum wage for the house otherwise we are not going to be able to pay food (rent yes but nothing else), the problem is that the cheaper places we have found they are like a room 4mx4m and you share bathroom with a lot of other people and the prices are around 2000-3000 so they are cheaper, my sis is earning around 7000 monthly. the real problem is that i'm afraid of getting a job (or maybe actually of getting rejected or being absorbed on a shitty call center again) i need to improve my mental health so i can get a job and we could buy furniture, i don't know what to do, the place with two bedrooms is really cheap for the space (usually that's the price for only one bedroom and private bathroom) and i'm honestly very tired of having to share bathroom and the lack of privacy (and safety tbh) but at the same time i don't feel ready to work again, my mental health has been in decline for a while and now i'm high most of the time otherwise i can't do nothing i have to take klonopin everytime i have to do something stressful (basically everytime i have to get out of my room or go to the street) and my hallucinations (when i'm sober ofc) are getting stronger i feel like i'm becoming insane and i have to keep pushing and i'm going to no where i don't feel good and i need to get somehow a job and keep up with my classes for my online degree, try to go back to the other university i was attending before and i can't even clean up my own room or take a shower my emotions are always running up and down i want to get down from this train, i don't want to exist anymore it's too painful, stressful and i'm so tired

i can’t believe it ughhh, my new year’s resolution was to stop cutting and i only made it a month. it makes me feel so much better and more organized when i do it, but it’s so stressful to hide and i know everyone would be disappointed in me if they found out. such an embarrassingly short time to be clean for

i want to rope i hate living here i hate being pushed around like a fuckinf servant i hate everything i want to take a bunch of pills and never wake up

just tired of everything

i hate being mentally ill. i feel like a part of my brain is always going to be tainted and there is no way to beat it

i have really bad body dysmorphia. i am hyperaware about looks, it is extremely uncomfortable to look look at myself. i don't want to acknowledge that i physically exist and the way i look is how everyone sees me. i acknowledge that i am not "that" ugly and around average looking in the eyes of an outsider. i don't want to be average though, i want to be beautiful. if someone says they think i look good, i can't believe they are not just being nice. this is probably a result of both my own mental illness and beauty standards but i really don't feel worthy of anything because i am not perfect. i am not enough the way i am so i can't accept myself in my natural state. i will only feel truly worthy of being loved and happiness if i look like someone's ideal woman. i will never be perfect and there will always be other people chosen over me. i want to date guys who are my type and i can't have a fulfilling relationship with them, because i am not perfect right now. some say "guys would fuck anything!" and that is true, but will they love me? will they cherish me when i am not perfect? no. even if i was dating a guy much uglier than me, i know he would rather be with a more beautiful woman if he could. i will never be anyone's first choice unless i change myself. there are ways to do that. i have gotten one procedure done so far and it has helped me feel better about that particular feature on my face, i don't regret it at all and i am planning to get more plastic surgery in the future. however, i still hate myself as i still have many flaws. when i look in the mirror there isn't a single thing about my face that is perfect enough. i wish i didn't have to do to these things to feel worthy. i wish i was one of the few people who are just born with looks that are conventionally attractive. my problems are mostly with my face. i am okay with the way my body looks because i've been working out but the fear of being judged in any way makes me want to hide it. what if someone sees it and thinks it's not good enough? i think i would only feel comfortable with people seeing it if i knew they found me perfect and loved me. i guess i'll be lonely until i am perfect enough for somebody. i don't know if that day will ever come. i hope it does.

tired of all the stress, i just want peace

>>853484 sigh

knowing i have to join the military soon makes me want to cry. ive been crying everyday. my mental health is going to be completely ruined like my dad's was. he's a former shell of himself. i wish learning disabilities werent invisible in girls because i went through life with an undiagnised one. i dropped out of uni because i knew i would have to extend my years just having to keep up with math classes. i wish i was an abortion

i wish i could be somewhere else where no one knows me and start a new life

i am always worried about the future

finally getting help for being a crippling alcoholic it's lit

my boyfriend has been facing pressure from his church and now wants to stop having sex because we're not married and i feel so awful about it. i'm not religious at all so i get absolutely nothing from it, i don't feel good or virtuous since i'm 100% comfortable with sex. he says he doesn't want to pressure me into getting married either but i can tell he feels like this would all be so easy to resolve if we would just get married, but we haven't even been together for one year yet and i'm nowhere near ready to get married. i can tell he really does feel awful and guilty about having premarital sex even if we enjoy having it so i feel awful about even trying to convince him to do it again. but i miss touching him so much, i miss how all over each other we were for the first few months we were dating, i feel so bad cuddling with him in the evening knowing there's not going to be anything more than that, it feels so dry, so cold. if i complain about it he just asks me if our relationship is only about sex, but of course it's not, i wouldn't even be here if i didn't want to be with him anyway, but i just feel like i'm losing something i won't be able to get back. just having normal, regular sex in a relationship is something i wanted for so long (it's my first serious relationship, i've had a terrible track record before), but i just don't know if i can handle a sexless relationship until marriage. and after marriage then we'd start having kids and everyone knows how hard it is to have sex with young kids around, and when our kids are grown we'll both be pretty old... if we can't have lots of easy, carefree sex now then when can we? i'm thinking about this too much... it's been a week since we stopped having sex and i'm already breaking down crying about it when he's not around. it's such a stupid problem, and i feel so selfish for wanting it badly when he feels so guilty about doing it. he never makes me do anything i would feel bad about. it's such a dumb thing to feel bad about but i'm really hurting tonight for some reason. all i ever wanted was a normal relationship with normal sex. it felt so hard to get and now i don't even really have that anymore. and i don't know how long it will be before i'm ready to get married and he'll be happy to do it again. yet if i say i can't handle being in a sexless relationship for that long, i'll feel like i'm pressuring him. it's all just dumb, i just wish i could stop feeling shitty long enough to do some wor

>>870569 nona don't feel like your feelings in this situation are unjustified, because they absolutely aren't. craving physical intimacy is perfectly human, especially with someone you love. >if i complain about it he just asks me if our relationship is only about sex that's what makes this a bit iffy for me. maybe it isn't his intention at all, but this verges on gaslighting for me. if anything, he should recognize the fact that you're dealing with the consequences of his choice to abstain from sex too. you are missing out on intimacy you still want to make him specifically feel better, and it sounds like he could do a better job at recognizing that. i think you should have an open and frank conversation with him about understanding why he feels the need to do this, but also what YOU need, because it's not selfish at all to want sex with the person you're in a dedicated relationship with. you should be honest with him about being afraid of being in a sexless relationship, because it's the reality of your situation and you shouldn't have to carry that burden on your own. tell him you were afraid of saying it because you didn't want to pressure him. you can basically tell him everything you said in that last paragraph, i think you worded it perfectly. if he loves you and he's reasonable, i think he'll understand. you could also try and think about ways you could fulfill some of each others sexual desires without having sex. maybe you could record videos of yourselves for eachother? i think there must be a lot of couples who have found very creative solutions to your exact problem, so a bit of googling might yield surprising results. anyway, i could ramble on forever but i hope you can get to a point where he is as receptive of your needs as you're being to his right now. i can imagine how frustrated you are. take care and good luck, i hope it works out <3

>>870569 no matter what you do, don't rush into marriage just for the sex. if you don't feel ready for marriage please don't go through with it until you are. sex is obviously a pretty important thing for you and on the contrary, celibacy is an important thing for him. you two have really opposing interests at this point and given how important being compatible when it comes to sex in relationships is... it's a bit difficult to solve this. your best bet would be to stop hiding how you feel from him and talk to him about your worries, try to find common ground. and don't feel like you're pressuring him into anything or being selfish because relationships are a two way street and your needs should be met as well, not only his

respond to me you fucking prick. i can see you listening to spotify and watching netflix and you repeatedly asking me for help but then not letting me help you is fucking pissing me off

>>871801 you know what? fuck you. you send a message back asking if i have time to call since you aren't doing well, but in the end you don't do it and ignore my calls. maybe i am to blame. i mean maybe it's retarded to want to help my best friend. i am done spending any more time worrying or calling since you clearly don't value my feelings or time. i am done

recently i feel so overwhelmed and to feel normal, I take a knife and start cutting my hands, more of start scratching them. i don't know, why im doing, but it feels good after that in a long run

i don't like being in a doomer mood but i find myself getting misanthropic and pessimistic thoughts often recently. everything seems pointless when you feel like the world is shit and will always be shit

everyday i think of a false reality where i’m well adjusted, loved and actually have friends who aren’t annoyed with me, i make myself depressed knowing i have none of those things. i actually think i’m making myself worse with my increase usage of weed lately but i like the sensation of my mind wandering off to the point my surroundings don’t matter to me, it’s kind of like i’m turning off my thoughts and i’m left with nothing temporarily. i don’t really care what happens to me the morning after

i wonder what it's like to not have to worry about money

>>895259 i wont lie its better to have money but again small happiness matter a lot

>>870569 i dont think what i say will help you but christianity is dumb af

its hard being a closeted lesbian in a small city lol

i have become such an insufferable doomer. i wasn't like this before. i am not proud of myself. i need to change

Profit is important but shouldn’t always come first I’m not naive for following basic regulations and doing what I should I hope I don’t end up like those people

Also religion is dumb

i have a feeling this is going to be the year i die

>>910026 me too nona, i feel like i will kms or something bad is going to happen to me but maybe is just my anxiety

hope i dont live past 25

>>910026 >>911014 my mom is worried i will die before the year is over because of living in europe. it keeps me up at night. i don’t know if it’ll happen, but it doesn’t seem improbable. i feel like something big and possibly very bad will happen to my body in the last quarter of the year

>>913578 europe is pretty safe nona, don’t worry. she’s probably just worrying about her kid like all moms do

>>913612 >>913578 but if you feel like something is happening to your body go to the doctor please

I studied a degree which includes being mostly employed by the state. I finished studying and atm i'm in a mandatory 2 year job training. My supervisor/boss/teacher whatever you might call him hates me so much, we talk for hours every week, which includes just him scolding me and me bawling. My older coworkers/mentors always say they support me but then proceed to tell him every mistake i make. Now he threatened to tell the state to not employ me, meaning i'm gonna be unemployed and stuck with a useless degree... My reasons to not an-hero are dwindling daily.

>>922937 jesus what does he have against you? how long till your training is done? is there a way for you to complete the rest of the period somewhere else or under someone else's supervision?

i feel so dumb for making this bigger than it has to be.. but i feel so grotesque and ugly and fat that it makes me want to rope

i wish i had the privilege of not worrying about money or being in debt. it costs so much to die and costs even more to live day by day

>>922937 girl seek help from hr or something, this is straight up harassment

my anxiety is off the roof. my application results will be out this week and i just cant help but tear up thinking will i do if i do not make it. this is my big chance to restart my life and get away from my city and my narcissistic mom. i can finally get a decent job after i complete this degree and live my life on my own terms. i know this is will not be end of the world if i am not successful but i really really want to get a nice job that pays me enough so that i can finally breathe freely. my mom dont leave any chance to remind me that i lost my job and i should now rather get married and stop wasting my time chasing my dreams. i wish i was as brainy as my siblings and had better luck. my will to live is getting weaker with every passing day. idk how long i will be able to hang on

oh god how do i stop myself from binging and overeating all the time >inb4 just eat less duh i know, im not asking for anachan advice because i used to be one myself, but the problem is i gained all the weight back AND then some and now it feels like ive lost pretty much all motivation. its so much harder to resist food now. and i feel so dumb and lonely bc i know that 99% of people will just think im a lazy piece of shit without willpower even though i used to starve myself pretty much all throughout high school

ran with this group of people for hobby (roleplay/writing) reasons a year or so ago, and though the hobby space we hung out in has long since died they're still all (apparently!) getting together for various things, and i just never ever received an invite. this always happens to me. online and offline. even though i was there and people liked my shit i guess my actual personality is too bland or distant or something to inspire actual connection. i should be used to this by now but i feel like shit every single time. fuck.

>>922939 no idea why he picked me. it's still 1,5 years...

>>922937 can we get an update? how are you?

Ever since my dad screamed that my mental illness ruined our family and he hates seeing me "be drama queen" or "take all attention" and then shook me and raised his fist and almost punched me I'm scared of that man I'm seriously scared if I fuck up he'll hurt me

i'm so tired

i wish all this ends before i reach my end. no matter how i hard i try it is never enough. i wish someone can tell me how to be good enough so that i can breathe without feeling like waste of space. i am getting tired. very tired. too tired.

i need to fix a situation that has been bothering me for a while, my uncle (my dad's brother) abused sexually of her younger daughter she's 22 now but the abuse occurred when she was 15-18 when she finally left his house, i avoided my grandparent house for like a year and every time i go there it hurts because all i can think it's my two cousins crying and she taking a big suitcase to her mom's car. she outed him publically on a facebook post on women's days, my dad's side of the family flipped shit and it was terrible. when i learned about it in 2018 it kinda destroyed me because i was abused too by another uncle from my moms' side when i was 6 and it all just came back too because i had repressed those memories. she had to move to another city where her mom lives and leave high school and everything, it was very painful to me because she and her slightly older sister (she's a couple of years younger than me) i consider them my sisters/friends and my grandmother acted terrible about the situation, saying it was all lies and implying that my younger cousin (which she already knew had drug and eating disorders problems) would end up killing herself out of guilt for accusing her dad of lies and it will be okay wtf my trust for her was destroyed by that, even when she was trying to convince me of that it all was a misunderstanding she says shit like her dad watched pornography with her in his room and (wtf she was was 15 when she arrived there). my aunt said some fuck up shit too like they were doing it (like it was consensual how it can be anything but the abuse he is her dad and she is his daughter and she was underage wtf) and that she didn't like it so she backed off and called it abuse but its literally what it is, or that she used to masturbate in front of my dad and my uncle (her brother's wtf), she also does some questionable things raising my youngest cousin (letting him watch movies with very explicit sex scenes and she makes this weird proud fasce and he is like 11 but i saw he doing that since he was 9, who i also see as a little brother because he's around the same age that my (step) little brother who i had to take care since he was a baby (so i honestly been having a hard time seeing him as my brother instead of my son)

>>957245 part 2 The thing is that i have to take a side and try to make things go smoothly today because otherwise, i don't think i will be able to see my grandparent again and his house is like the last place where i feel its home even though it's super toxic, but it been there all my childhood while i was moving houses like every 6 months and my time when i was living there was hell but it was the closest thing i have resembling a family that i have so it's hard to me just say goodbye but i know it's just an illusion they only show love and respect when you are doing things in life as they want and you are nothing but people to show off. and i can't leave my cousin alone in this situation which helps her to take her cat out of that house and all her stuff anyways i hope everything goes well, but i need to get high af to be able to deal with this because last time it destroyed me so much it took months to move on from that and i have been so anxious since the whole facebook post things because i need to align with my cousins i don't think muy condense would be able to bear stand neutral and do nothing and act like it-s all normal and fine like they always do sorry to anyone reading this and sorry for the grammar mistakes.

relapsing into disordered eating literally a month after i truly felt that i had fully recovered and that i could eat balanced and normal with minimal body image issues kek yeah no

>>940282 an update i feel so horrible, i'm constantly panicking and otherwise spend all time i'm not working laying in bed (and not sleeping), i feel so low, i have already lost all strength and hope. everything reminds me of my supervisor and his horrible words, i feel like i'm haunted by him. next thursday he will once again test me. so far i barely prepared for it, because just thinking about it makes me sick. i just feel like he hates me so much, that no matter what i did and how much i improved, he'd still shit on me again anyway. my depression got really severe last may and i calmed down a bit thanks to starting medication but now i feel more lethargic than ever, i feel like i'm in a nightmare i can't wake up from. i will not kill myself but nevertheless cant stop thinking about it, like whenever i'm driving to work i just want to close my eyes and let go. as i'm writing this i once again wonder whether i should just really do it, but then i think "wait, i can just quit instead" but i don't, because of my parents... some other girls in my class want to report him once they pass their final exams but i kinda doubt they'll dare to. my mother confided in some ladies who work the same job i train for and they already knew that he's a horrible alcoholic but they told her that it's likely impossible for me to get a different supervisor, so i might be stuck like this for another 1,5 years - or rather 2,5 since he definitely isn't gonna let me pass. some other girls in my class already know the office they will work in starting next year, meanwhile i feel like i'm constantly walking on glass, just waiting for another scolding and threats of firing. or actual firing.

i’ve gone three and a half years of university making zero friends, i’ll study with some people in my classes but we never hang out after that. so stupid but i always think about how when i get married i’ll have no one to be a bridesmaid.

>>973157 bitch, you have no friends and are chronically online, who are you going to even get married to?

i broke up with my bf of a few months recently because he bought the wrong shit for the fifth time and he keeps sending me these long ass texts about how unreasonable i'm being. it oddly feels good to see him in so much pain/stress after dealing with him brushing off every single complaint i've ever had concerning his lack of attention when it comes time to use MY money to get me shit. retard ...on the flipside this guy is like 6'2+ and knows where i live and study. worrying.

>>973157 priorities

>>974969 the man i’m engaged to

>>976345 how are you incapable of making friends if you're social enough to land a man worth marrying? are you one of those idiots who relies on other people to make the first move every time?

>>977017 nta but fuck off if you plan on camping in this thread just to judge her for whatever her feelings may be. don't be such a puckered asshole and let her vent in peace

today was so horrible, i called in sick but then my boss bombarded me with mails, even calling me on my mobile phone, just to tell me all the things i do wrong him and his words putting me down live rentfree in my head, my heart is constantly racing out fear, i'm scared that i'm gonna end everything whenever i'm driving

>>977017 no i just find it easier to maintain a romantic relationship over platonic relationships. i didn't "land" him because im social >>977031 thank you unnie *kiss* >>977334 i feel really terrible for you, please consider how much this is affecting your physical and mental health and if its really worth it id slash his tires

i still relate so much to the lyrics of marina's electra heart it makes me feel sad. listening again to teen idle feels like a roller coaster because even when i listen to it when i was 16 years old, i still wasted so many years in sadness and doing nothing, at least now seems like i'm heading to self-destruction but at least i'm having fun these days, even when i'm still being a fat weirdo at least i'm not overweight anymore.

today my bosses told me they want me to be the director on my team they think i'm ready since i stepped up when my boss left 6 months ago but the way i see it, it's not like i had a choice bc there was literally no one else. my bosses said there are some gaps between my skills and a director's skills but they can work with me on it because they all think i'm great and talented and it was so nice to hear and have my work validated but i genuinely think i suck i feel like i tricked them into thinking i'm good at this just because i barely push back against them and do what i'm told bc idg enough of a fuck to argue. i dick around on this very site for half the day so wtf. honestly i was really looking forward to having a director again to hide behind so i don't have to deal with my bosses anymore but apparently they love me and want to work closer with me but ugh it's so much work and they're so needy. i do want more money that part's nice i just don't want to disappoint anyone or fail or fuck up or have my work life balance completely screwed ughhhh i hate the unknown and i hate risk and i hate change i hate capitalism i hate fear i hate choices

>>957245 whole family needs therapy

death seems kinda nice right now

>>1009516 good luck nona, i'm sure you're good and you completely deserve the position, don't let imposter syndrom trick you

>>1018915 death is never the answer nona

i hate that i peaked some days. i was already a social autist but now i'm totally unable to connect with most people in my obscure nerd hobbies because they're all either: >a gendie >gendie-adjacent (furiously hates jkr, handmaidens, pick me's/perfectly happy to discuss with a moid his obsession with "thigh highs and twin-tails", etc.) in a moment of braveness i asked a girlie who i thought to be very smart what did jkr even say that was so wrong; she could not define it in clear terms. she told me her "trans friends were greatly offended and that was enough of a reason to be concerned (roughly)". it's all so goddamn annoying and irritating and i know if i spend too much time talking to them i'm going to have an autistic sperg-out and reveal myself to be a "terf" or a "swerf" or whatever. even little shit like laughing at a medical model because it dares to have...breasts pisses me off. god

>>1024278 don’t worry about being exposed as a swerf, most people are pretty accepting of that now. finally

i hope my depressive episode blows over soon. it came out of nowhere and my life is going really well right now. i feel interested in nothing and nothing feels fun. food doesnt taste as amazing either everything has a damper on it because of this episode and i hate it so much

REEEEEEEEE my manager made me a scapegoat to her manager i fucking hate retail

>>1028392 i hate that i ever cared about this place. i wish i left when i noticed it all going to shit. i stupidly thought that my efforts would be recognised but i was fucking wrong. better to learn this now than a decade later i guess. now i know if a place is falling apart i need to LEAVE ASAP because everyone is going to look for someone to blame and it's going to be me

one of my parents is always saying how they want to retire when they arent even near the retirement age and in perfect health.. i do want to take care of my family but why should i be seen as a retirement plan. my life quite literally just started

i dread the holidays, my asshole relative loves to arrange gatherings but hes blind to see nobody wants to come because of his massive ego and attitude problem when he drinks then makes it a huge issue for my sister to clean up. i wish my family didn’t celebrate anything, it’s so much fucking effort and stress for a single day

idk if it's because i'm high but i'm rewatching the queen's gambit and i feel so sad thinking about my traumas i know they weren't my fault because i was a child but looking inside always hurt so bad i really need therapy but i'm kinda scared i need to stop being a cringe whiny crybaby. I've changed my mind about suicide since my last failed attempt 3 weeks ago i feel so cringe and embarrassed just to think about it so at least i'm not trying to kill myself this time

i’m starting to lose a grip on reality i don’t think anything that’s happened to me in the past few years is real, it’s like i watched life pass me as a spectator and not as an active participant. i feel incredibly lonely

>>1081449 i feel similar. i realized i put a lot of stake into feeling alive based on events that happen to me. i try to attain things but i only conclude that none of it matters. i don’t know what i’m doing anymore and i’m unsure if i want to stop it all or keep going. it’s not a suicidal feeling, just empty and a lack of ambition, including ambition to live. it’s weird. i think i was happier when i had very little. when i lost sight of counting my blessings, i think i took it all for granted until nothing seemed to matter anymore